Page 17 of Until We Fall

Why does he assume that’s a problem?

It’s definitely not a problem for me. Ilovesmaller dicks, and I’m sure there are other people out there who agree. Being able to take a dick fully in my mouth, to bury my nose in the smell, to feel the weight against my tongue. It’s only happened once that I’ve been with a guy rocking that size, and I couldn’t get enough. It was so hot.

Maybe I should say something about that? Although, randomly blurting out that I like smaller dicks in a Cluan t-shirt shop sounds like an intensely uncomfortable moment. I’d do it anyway, but the last thing I want is for Rory to feel called out.

I toss a ballcap back on the pile and then wait while Carter buys a few things before we head out, crossing over the boardwalk and onto the deep sand. The sun is hot on my shoulders.

When we find a good spot with a view of the water, Rory carefully spreads out his towel. His vertebrae rise faintly along his spine as he bends, his hair falling forward, brightly copper in the sun. His ass is facing me.

I inwardly groan and pull off my shirt before reaching for the sunblock. I slather it on, trying like hell to stop watching him out of the corner of my eye as he does the same, although he keeps his shirt on, before he settles on his towel. Theo drops next to him. They’ve been chatting non-stop about sea turtles, both of them seeming pretty into the conversation.

Carter slaps me enthusiastically on the shoulder. “Volleyball, D! Let’s go!”

“Alright,” I say.

He’s already jogging toward the nets, wearing some ridiculously tight board shorts with bananas all over them and yelling, “Come on! You’re sloooooow.”

I still pause.

I step toward Rory. I want to say so much to him. I want to rewind to earlier today, and I want to say the right things when we were still in bed.

I hook a thumb after Carter, my shadow leaning over him and Theo. “We’re going to play volleyball. Wanna come?”

Rory hardly looks at me. “I’m happy here.”

My heart deflates a little. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Hefinallylooks up at me, and his eyes look so fucking amazing out here in the sharp sunlight, this stunning slate gray, framed by those long, deep red lashes. All of him looks good—those brilliant freckles, his lean legs stretched out on the towel, sticking out from his geometric patterned shorts.

Do I tell him that?

I picture myself doing that.Hey R, you look hot. I don’t know what you meant back in the room, but you’re exactly as you should be.

“D!” Carter bellows from over by the nets.

I groan. “Hold onto your dick, bro.”

“I am,” he hollers. “But even that’s getting boring.”

Rory blinks up at me, that wrinkle appearing between his brows. “Are you going to go?”

“Uh, yeah,” I say. “You know… you look good.”

His eyes widen slightly. “What?”

“I mean, in the sun. You look nice. Your hair is shiny.”

He glances over at Theo, who’s looking at me weirdly, his bright blue eyes squinted.

“Thanks?” Rory practically squeaks out.

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

What am I saying? I think of his expression this morning. And the one last night in the bathroom. I think of the way he looked at me on the plane, and how he tilted his reader away. I think of that look he gave me three weeks ago, his eyes simmering down to my mouth. And I think about three and a half years of friendship, where it’s sometimes felt like we act like more than friends, even though nothing has ever happened between us.

What if all that is related? What if we’re standing on the edge of something, but both of us are too scared to jump?

I lick my lips, and then I drop to my knees on the sand. I lean by Rory’s ear, so it’s just me and him, Theo not close enough to overhear. My heart’s pounding, but I need to say it.

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