Page 16 of From the Ashes

“Whatever.”

Patrick took a seat next to me, making sure to put a couple of feet between us. He knew better than to get too close. Depending on what he said next, I might be tempted to push him off the boulder and let him fall ten feet to the rocky ground below. It wouldn’t kill him, but it would hurt like a son of a bitch. And that, I decided, would be deeply satisfying.

“How are you, Charlie?”

“Just fucking peachy. And I don’t care how you are.”

“Right…” Patrick nodded with a sigh. “I… I wanted to come up here and apologize to you.”

I let out a barking laugh. “Right.”

“No, I mean it! I’ve been feeling pretty awful about the way Jordan, Chris, and I have been treating you for years. And I just… I couldn’t do it anymore. When you decked Jordan last year, I was surprised to find myself cheering you on. That I felt like Jordandeservedit.”

“Not enough to tell the truth when the principal had me suspended for two weeks.”

“I was afraid to say anything. Jordan… he can be kind of a dick.”

“Kind of?!”

“And Chris is no better. He’s the one that gets rough whenever Jordan demands it.”

“You’re bigger than both of them. You’re a fucking linebacker for fuck’s sake! What do you have to be afraid of?”

Patrick froze up for a moment, his eyes full of fear. “Jordan…knowsthings about me that I’ve never told anyone.”

“You mean like the fact that you’re gay?”

His jaw dropped and he looked like he wanted to argue with me.

“Nix told me about your littleproposition,” I growled. “And I told him never to fucking touch you.” I glared at him with all the venom I could muster. “He agreed that you didn’tdeserveanything from him. Not after everything you and your asshole friends have done.”

I watched Patrick tense, his jaw muscle knotting at his cheek. But then, as if something inside him broke, he slumped forward, his face buried in his hands. When he finally looked back up at me, I could see the tears in his eyes.

“You’re right,” he sputtered. “I don’t deserve it. I’ve been so terrible to both of you. And I’ve called Nix awful things when you weren’t around. Told him he was disgusting or unnatural just because I’d lose my friends if I didn’t.” He looked up at me. “But I don’t believe any of it and I didn’t mean it. I swear!”

I stared at him for a long moment before I finally shrugged. “So what? You still said it and you still acted like an asshole. I don’t care how bad you feel about it when I know, come the first day of school, you’ll be right there at Jordan’s side again. That still makes you an asshole. Actually, it makes you thebiggestasshole in the group because you know it’s wrong and you continue to do it anyway.”

“I have to! Don’t you understand? If I don’t, they’ll make my life a living hell!”

“Like you’ve done to me and Nix for the past twelve years?”

Patrick opened his mouth to argue, but snapped it shut when he realized there was nothing he could say to get out of the corner he’d backed himself into. He was stuck. A choice lay before him, and he didn’t want to make it.

“You can sit here and apologize all you want, Patrick. But at the end of the day, it’s just a bunch of meaningless words. You aren’t saying you’re sorry to make me or Nix feel better. You’re doing it to makeyourselffeel less guilty so you can go on living a lie to make your life comfortable.” I glared at him before turning back to the party below. “I have zero sympathy for you and your self-made prison.”

He was quiet for a long time. Minutes passed as he sat three feet away, his breath shallow and raspy. For a moment I wondered if I’d gone too far. But then I squashed that soft-hearted bullshit and kicked those feelings away. Patrick deserved to be treated like this. Besides, I wasn’t telling him anything but the truth and I refused to sugarcoat it for him because he wanted forgiveness without any of the work. Fuck that.

“You’re right,” he said at last, his voice low and shaky.

“Yeah. I know.”

“What should I do?”

The question caught me by surprise. I’d half expected him to storm off, beat me up, or pitch himself off the boulder. But nothing prepared me to be asked for advice.

“Stop hanging out with Jordan, first of all,” I said, trying to soften myself just the tiniest amount.

“But he’ll tell everyone I’m gay.”

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