Page 128 of One More Chapter

anthony

How amI supposed to enjoy the mountain that my life is now perched upon when the woman I love is sitting somewhere in the valley without me? Superintendent Bishop formally invited me to apply to the assistant principal position with Nathan’s confirmation of taking over in the big chair next year, but I barely felt that pride in my chest.

What are successes if you can’t share them with the people you love?

That isn’t to say my parents and brothers aren’t proud. They’ve really come around to my new take-charge attitude, and while theyaresuper proud of me, it’s almost as if none of this will be real without Pen there by my side, sharing in this journey. The new job, the district’s go-ahead with the behavior program. I’m even being sent to formal training so that, over the summer, I can train the admin in other buildings. For all intents and purposes, Ishould beon top of the world.

So why do I feel like I’m in the trenches?

Penelope and I really haven’t seen each other since that night—since we identified my insecurities with her book. I still haven’t quite put my finger on what has shaken me the most: The fact that our entire relationship is about to be in the handsof millions, or that I made her feel those gut wrenching things in the first place. I only made it through about a hundred pages before I couldn’t stomach the way she weaved her words together to tear Delilah to shreds.

I’m a coward for not finishing. I know that. I’m a coward for not facing what I did head on.

At the same time, I don’t have time to find out how Finn redeems himself. AP duties have stacked with finishing my house, and with the trifecta of middle school baseball season starting up, I have been getting negative sleep. I won’t be coaching this season due to all of my other responsibilities within the building, but I’ve been helping Sam, Aaron, and the coaches from Meadow Ridge figure out tryouts and organize practice schedules. Baseball is definitely something I’ll miss once I’m an administrator, so I’m soaking up all the time I can get.

My stacked schedule also doesn’t allow room for Penelope and I to see each other. It’s both a curse and a blessing that she’s working on book stuff late into the night. I think we’re both using work as an excuse to avoid each other, but at this point, I’m not sure what else to do.

Maybe when work slows down. Maybe when her book is with the editor. Maybe when we’re on summer vacation.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

It strikes me that all of these excuses are starting to sound like the Ant that rationalized leaving her behind.

Maybe if I wasn’t with Avery. Maybe if things were different.

Bile rises up my throat at that thought. I can’t be that guy again. I need to address this sooner rather than later.

I’m in my car on my way home, about to call and see if she’s free for dinner tonight, when my phone rings with Nathan’s number.

“Hey man, what’s up?” I say, clicking into my car’s Bluetooth.

“I’m sorry to bother you after school hours, but would you be able to help with a house issue? I’m not sure if you noticed, but I’m more of a ‘holds the tools’ type of handyman.”

I chuckle, turning right instead of left at the light. My heart stretches in the opposite direction.

When I arrive, I sit in Nate’s driveway and shoot Penelope a text. Even if we’re strained, I don’t want her to think I’m just disappearing from her life again. I let her know that I’m stopping by Nate and Claire’s place, and that she doesn’t have to wait for me to eat. When Nathan opens the front door, he looks downright frazzled. I haven’t seen the guy this off-kilter since he and Claire were apart. Not even when he was told to take over as the interim principal.

“Which appliance has your panties in a twist?” I chuckle.

“The dishwasher. Wecanjust do the dishes ourselves, but I’d rather use our time together after dinner for better things.”

“Please do not elaborate,” I say, clapping him on the shoulder and heading into the kitchen where I find Claire and a pile of sopping wet towels. She looks miserable. “Isn’t this place brand new?”

Crouching down, I sift the towels and bucket out of the way and find the culprit almost immediately.

“It is, which means I’m going to be making an incredibly frustrated phone call if this is a mechanical issue.”

“Don’t bother. Your drain’s just clogged.”

I get to work while Claire and Nathan take care of the soaked towels. While I finish up, I show Nathan how to fix it for future reference, and in no time, we’re running a hot cycle to clean it out.

“Have you patched things up with Penelope yet?”

“Damn,” I chuckle. “Straight to the point, aren’t you?”

He just nods. I sigh, shaking my head.

“Not really. We keep missing each other—which I realize is an excuse. I just, uh… It really gutted me, you know?”

---