Page 107 of One More Chapter

It comes out as a question, because I trulydon’tknow what Anthony and I are. We aren’t together, but we come home every night and cuddle on the couch until we decide whose bed we’re sleeping in. We aren’t in a relationship, but he texts me on his way home and asks what I want for dinner, and I started picking up his groceries on my weekly runs.

He isn’t mine, but when I blew out the candle on my cupcake, I wished that he could be.

I tell them as much, spilling all but the smutty details of our sordid affair.

“Well, what are you waiting for?!” Claire asks.

“Him to break my heart.”

I shrug at my admission.

“It’s what always happens. As soon as things start going right in any relationship I’ve ever had, they ghost me, or suddenly aren’t ready for a relationship, or I find out they have a girlfriend. I’ve never had a stable relationship. I’malwayswaiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“But you said he apologized, right?” Lucy asks. I nod.

“All I care about is that he’s treating you right this time,” Juliet says. “He broke your heart once. It’s our job to look out for you.”

“And I appreciate thatsomuch.”

“Youwant him, don’t you?” Claire asks. I put my head in my hands, nodding.

“I do. And that’s what kills me.”

It kills me so much that I had to write it into a four-hundred-page novel just to get it out of my system. But they don’t need to know that much just yet.

An odd sense of calm settles over us as each of my friends navigates what to say next. I appreciate that they take their time. This situation with Anthony and me is a trapped maze that takes careful planning to navigate.

“Remind me,” Lucy begins. “After vacation, he told you he wanted to see you, right?”

“Yep.”

“And you guys made plans to meet up?”

“After texting for weeks when we got back,” I nod. Those few months wash over me, but I’m not afraid of the pain anymore. Something dulls the edges, like I’m finally allowing myself to leave the past in the past, to maybe start the healing part that comes with forgiveness.

“We made plans to meet up. I thought it was going to be the last first date I ever went on. I showed up early to the bar we agreed to meet at, figuring I could have a drink to calm my nerves. And then, he never showed up.”

“Because he patched things up with his ex-girlfriend, right?”

“Mhm.” I nod, then shake my head. “But she’s out of the picture. He ended things shortly after. She doesn’t want kids and he wants a big family.”

“And that’s when he tried to get in contact with you,” Juliet nods, recounting what’s been going on between Ant and me over the past year.

I nod.

“We’ve… we’ve talked things out. He’s really trying. We’ve both apologized and I…”

I can’t believe I’m about to say this part out loud. Usually, once I start talking about something, I jinx it. I once had myself convinced that I’d never tell my friends about a man until we got to the altar, just in case. But something encases these words like a firm foundation, and it feels so right letting them out that I think I might cry.

“Guys, I think I’m going to give us that second chance.”

forty-one

anthony

There isno plausible reason for Penelope and I to be decorating this place for Christmas together. I’m spending the holiday with my family, and she mentioned going out of town for her book stuff. In retrospect, Ishouldbe making lists and buying paint and cleaning sawdust out of my ears from all of the construction work I had planned to finish during winter break.

Instead, I’m playing house with my very own Christmas elf.

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