Page 95 of Between the Lines

“Everything good?” Penelope asks.

I nod, relief filling me at the fact that Zoey doesn’t seem angry, then shake my head. “It’s Zoey. Apparently all hell is breaking loose without me.”

Zoey’s thread continues, as she seems to passive-aggressively delight in our mother’s incompetence, as she thoroughly details how badly Mom messed up dinner.

“She’s getting what’s coming to her, then.”

I end the conversation with my sister, asking if she wants me to take her to cello on Wednesday to avoid disaster, to which she replies,No thanks, I kind of want to see what happens.I laugh, and let it trail off into a sigh. A knot settles in my chest. I don’t know how to feel.

“You okay?”

“Yes and no,” I shrug. Penelope wraps her hand around my shoulder and I lay my head on hers. “I feel guilty.”

“I’m not going to tell you how to feel, but Iamgoing to remind you that this is not on you anymore. Change is hard, Claire. But that doesn’t take away the goodness of it.”

I sit with that truth, wondering about the damage I’ve done to my five siblings in leaving. They don’t deserve any of this.

I go through my night routine if only to ground myself in reality. Despite the exhaustion that rang through my body all day, I’m suddenly wide awake. Anxiety and fear and guilt run on separate hamster wheels in my head. I can’t concentrate enough to read, but can’t close my eyes either. My phone buzzes on the nightstand, Nathan’s name illuminating the screen. My heart tugs between falling and jumping.

Nathan

I hope you had a good rest of your day. Can I see you early tomorrow morning? In the parking lot maybe?

Suddenly, my eyes are falling closed. Like he is both my reassuranceandmy reason to roll out of bed at the crack of dawn.

Claire

Yes, please. I would love that.

I’m getting us Dunkin.

And before you say no, send me your order.

I get aPlease don’t spend money on mein the middle of typing, and giggle. I can imagine the divot forming between his brows, above the bridge of his glasses.

Claire

Stop pouting.

Nathan

Defiant girl.

Claire

I’m just trying to caffeinate and feed you!! Don’t be difficult.

Nathan

Backtalk too? Are you looking to be punished?

I send him three side-eye emojis, thenAnd what if I was?, then giggle. I marvel at the way that I went from near panic to fluttering eyes and hope for the morning.

Nathan

I’ll have to keep a tally, then.

Unfortunately, while I would love to keep this going, I am exhausted.

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