He shakes his head.
“Can I ask what happened between the two of you?” I chime in. “I only know what Claire told me.”
“Oh my God.While we’re here!” Aaron exclaims, his hand in the air. “You’re next! I’m supposed to, and I quote, ‘Go all Papa Bear on his ass.’ For my woman.”
“Granted, you did enough of the Papa Bear-ing during today’s staff meeting. Holyshit,dude.” Sam lifts his hand for a high five, buttakes it away when my brows pinch together. “Is everything okay with Don?”
I sigh, scrubbing my hands over my head.
“Joe never caught Claire and I doing anything. It’s all hearsay. He did, however, own up to the comments he made. He’ll have to go through sensitivity training with HR.”
“Dude had it coming,” Aaron says, shaking his head. “He’s a headache and a half.”
“He needs to retire already,” Sam agrees.
“You could take over as the Big Dog!” Aaron says, enthusiastically slapping his palm to the table.
I wish I could hide my grimace.
“Not up your alley?” Anthony asks.
I clear my throat. Shake my head. Own the secrets I’ve only ever spoken aloud to Claire and then some.
“After being an administrator these past two years, it is more than clear to me that my heart is in the classroom. Not to say I won’t do my job to the greatest of my abilities, but if given the choice, I’d go back in a heartbeat.”
They each nod in understanding.
“For what it’s worth, we’re lucky to have you in the AP role,” Sam says. It is incredibly heartfelt.
“Absolutely. We needed someone like you,” Aaron agrees.
I thank them, and guide the attention back onto Anthony, who cuts back in, sharing his side of the story of what happened between him and Penelope.
“And she won’t give you the opportunity to explain?” I ask at its conclusion.
“No.” He shakes his head defeatedly, folding the bill of his hat in his hands. “No, she doesn’t want to hear it. And I completely understand. I did exactly what all of the men in her life have done. I’m not exactly sure I deserve another shot.”
Alarm races across his eyes at that thought, and I’m blown backto two weeks ago, when Claire tried to prove to me that Ididdeserve her.
“I don’t think that’s true,” I say, picking the worst moment to take her advice. But it might as well be put to some use. “You sound like you’re genuinely sorry, and that you want to make things right. You may have messed up, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the shot to fix it, if she really means that much to you.”
“She does.” The pain in his aqua eyes is genuine. He runs a hand through his long, sandy hair, and exhales, falling back in his chair.
“Hey, uh, Nate?” Aaron interjects. “Might wanna take your own advice, my man.”
I blink several times, and mirror Anthony. Falling back in my chair. Bogged down by the weight of all that has transpired.
“I just…”
I am at a loss. I can dole out advice that sounds a lot like what I should be taking, but putting it into practice is a whole other story.
“What’s holding you back?” Sam asks.
“Aside from my own pride?” I laugh humorlessly, shaking my head. “Actually, can we table the discussion on my romantic life? I’m in a bit of a financial predicament, and I don’t know how to get myself out.”
The men nod. And for the first time in my life, I open up. Fully.
Aside from Claire, I’ve never unearthed all of these anxieties onto anyone. How my dad’s life insurance won’t cover property taxes forever on a house I’m keeping as a memorial. How I took on the role of assistant principal just to give myself a little more cushion, and how my own inheritance is sitting untouched due to the weight of my own guilt.