Page 68 of The Christmas Box

What I didn’t expect, though, was that Dad dying would have that same effect, even though this time it wasn’t his fault and he had no control over the rug.

That’s when it hits me that maybe I was wrong about something. Maybe therewasa miracle for Dad in the end: those last couple of unexpected hours together. Or maybe it was for me. Maybe, like George Bailey, I didn’t get the life I was hoping for, but it’s full of good things just the same.

Or it was. Before I screwed everything up here.

It’s getting colder now and Marley’s starting to shiver. I reach under the seat, thankful I’ve always kept an old blanket there. It’s actually a blanket from my childhood—one Dad kept there before me. The reason? “You just never know when you might need it,” he told me when I asked him. I’m not sure I’ve actually ever needed it, in all these years. But I need it now.Thanks, Dad.

Pulling the dog over into my lap, I wrap us both in the blanket as best I can, hugging her to me underneath it. “Sorry, girl,” I tell her, stroking her fur, trying to comfort us both. “I made a stupid decision.”

Stroking her fur in an effort towards warmth, of more than one kind, I hear myself murmur, “I could be with Lexi right now.” The words, spoken out loud, seem to summon still more honesty from deep inside me. “I could be curled up with her, warm and safe, letting her help me believe this pain is survivable.

“I could be getting brave enough to think about a future with her. A future where I don’t run from things. A future where I finally let go of all my past crap in that town. A future where I’m not alone. And she isn’t, either.”

Because we both have been. For years. Yeah, she handled it better than me—she handlesmostthings better than me—but she’s been left to deal with life on her own, too. How did I miss that up to now? I’ve spent so much time thinking how different she and I are in so many ways—but the one way we’re alike is…we both know what it is to be alone in the world, without family.

I blow out a heavy breath filled with the truth currently barreling through me. “I should be there with her now. And I should be sitting down to Christmas dinner with her and Helen and Dara tomorrow.”

I was an idiot to ever even think of leaving her behind. “I, more than most people, know exactly how it feels to be left behind by someone you love—and I still got in this truck and drove away?”

If I had any doubts about my feelings for her, sitting here in a truck half-buried in snow in the middle of nowhere while a blizzard rages on all sides, it’s become clear to me.

“I love her, too, Marley. And now she’s never gonna know it.”

Christmas Day

Lexi

Ihaven’t felt this horrible on Christmas morning since the first one after Mom and Grandma died. But I have a holiday dinner to prepare, and friends to welcome. And as I drag myself to the kitchen just past daybreak to shove the turkey in the oven, I give myself a pep talk. “It’s a beautiful Christmas day. You have so much to be thankful for. And as for Travis Hutchins, well…a month ago he was nothing to you but a bad memory. He can go back to being that again now.”

It’s not that easy, of course.Thisbad memory is new and fresh and cuts deep.

Back in school, I never really knew him. And I’m not sure I would’ve liked him if I had. But this grown-up Travis was…just what I didn’t know I needed in my life. And he made the holidays even happier—for me and all the people who put a wish in that box that came true, with or without our assistance. And because of him, my shop survived the season!

“But he’s gone,” I remind myself. “And it’s time to pull yourself together and make merry, like it or not.”

As I pour myself a cup of coffee and pad in my flannel PJs over to plug the Christmas tree lights in, I try to take comfort in the warmth that surrounds me. The lights sparkle, my apartment radiates holiday warmth, and soon it’ll be filled with friends. Outside, the snow stopped at some point overnight and a snowplow has come through to make today’s travels easier. But there’s no denying that this Christmas isn’t going to be the one I expected and that my heart hurts for having to endure one more loss: the Grinch I was foolish enough to fall for.

I unlock the shop’s front door early so everyone can come in with ease. Helen is the first to arrive, a couple of hours before our other guests—she’s helping with the rest of the meal. She arrives at the top of my stairs with a “Knock, knock, and merry Christmas!”

I come to greet her in a blue sweater sporting a big, smiling snowman face, and she’s donned a long, green elf sweater, with an elf hat to match.

“Cute!” I tell her, trying to set aside my heartache.

“I’m going to take elfies with everyone for my social media,” she announces with her usual grin as she hefts the bags she’s toting to the kitchen counter. Then she lets the grin fade to ask, “How’s Travis doing? He hasn’t answered my calls or texts.”

I’m still not sure what‘s happened—I just hope I can answer without breaking in to tears. “I have no idea how he is because he left. Just got in his truck with Marley last night and went flying out of town without a word to me while I was sitting here waiting for him.” I end on a shaky sigh, a little embarrassed because now Helen has to feel sad for me.

Her face falls. “You’re kidding. Oh no. That poor boy.”

I let my eyes go wide. “Poor boy? What about poor me? I’m the one with the broken heart.”

She slips an arm around my shoulder to tell me, “I’m afraid our Travis might just have a broken heart of his own. Tom passed last night, honey. One minute he was sitting up, watching a movie, and talking, and the next he was gone.”

I let out a gasp, trying to wrap my head around it. I guess I got caught up in my own issues and forgot about what Travis might be going through.

“Travis rushed out of the manor, upset, but I assumed he was headed straight to you.”

I shake my head. “Nope. I watched him drive away in a blizzard.”

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