Page 36 of Mob Bride

He grabs my hand and pushes it aside and kisses me again. His hands try to roam over my body, but now I push him away.

“Bartek, please, this isn’t what I want right now.”

“I’m going to make you feel better.”

“I’m terrified. Making out isn’t what’s going to make me feel better.”

“Oh, I think it will. I think you need a distraction. I think you need to feel me holding you, loving you, and reminding you who I am.”

My hand covers his cheek, and I brush my thumb over it.

“Believe me, I know exactly who you are. I know you’re trying, but I’m still scared. Put yourself in my shoes. I know you’ve known no other life, but there must have been times when you were a kid where you got scared because you didn’t understand everything going on. Like when your parents tried to shelter you, but this world exposed you to something you weren’t supposed to see. I’ve had a lot more years of being sheltered—I guess—than you have. This isn’t normal to me yet.”

He seizes that word. “Yet? As in, you could get used to it?”

“I’m going to try, but you have to give me time.” Time for me to finish this investigation.

“You ask for time a lot, Kaja.”

I jerk my chin back and scowl. “You’re going to throw my virginity back at me because I have a deep faith that says I shouldn’t sleep around. I should save myself for one person. You’re going to do that right now?”

“I’m sorry. That was unkind. You’re right. You know I want that with you in the future.”

“I thought we were moving toward something more, but now I need to think about this, and making out with you won’t allow me to clear my head. Please, don’t crowd me right now. You should go.”

He studies me before he moves away. “All right, Kaja, this time. For now, I’ll give you space, but only today. I want you to move in with me, at least for right now.”

“What?” I shake my head. “No, you’re asking me to consider too much stuff right now. I can’t. Please, let me figure out one thing at a time.”

“I can protect you better. I can keep you safe.”

I know I must eventually give in because that’s exactly what I’ve been aiming for all along. I just need to finish this mission before it goes further, and I’m sharing a bed with him every night.

“I’m not saying no entirely. I’m just saying no for right this minute. Let me think, okay? I love you. I want to be with you. But this is all I can handle for one day. Okay?”

“All right.” He sighs with resignation. “Fine. I’m leaving four men with you, two outside your door, two downstairs in the lobby.”

“Thank you, Bartek. That makes me feel better.”

“I’ll keep you safe, Kaja.”

“I love you.”Like someone loves herpes.

“I love you, too.” He gives me a hard, fast kiss, and then he’s leaving, and I’m breathing easier.

I’ve got to slip out and meet with my handlers tonight. They’ll have found out what happened by now. They’re going to want the details. The burner we use to communicate had one text. It just said:

Tonight.

That’s all well and good, but with four guards at my door and in the lobby, I’m kind of stuck. We keep our communication to a minimum, so I can only text back:

I’ll try.

I wonder how much they know about what went down and who was involved. I flop onto the sofa after I get changed. I’m trying to pay attention to the reality show I’m watching, but it doesn’t keep my attention. I replay today in my head, making sure I know exactly what to say to Johnny and Steve when I see them. I also think about when Bartlomiej was here.

I never want to be intimate with him. I don’t enjoy it, but there’s something else about today that made it feel even more wrong. I don’t want to consider what that is, but my mind keepsnagging. The answer is right there, but if I let myself actually think it, then it becomes too true.

It felt like it would betray Shane.

---