Page 61 of Mob Bride

That gives me pause. Anything that would take down a rival family interests us, and it’s certainly something I would be happy to help happen, but I can’t deny Misha was important today, and that he kept her safe.

But that’s women’s business.

Lord. Did I just fall back in time to the eighteen hundreds?

Even though he was her rescuer, everybody knows helping the women in our families doesn’t suspend the animosity among the men.

“Carrie, I understand that, and I can see how you don’t want to go for them as your target, but it changes nothing about the rivalries among the families. I can’t ignore what you’ve told me.

“So, you’re going to use that information against me? Things I told you in confidence, now you want to flip and use?”

“Not necessarily, but I still have to consider all that comes along with this information. It’s not as simple as just acting like I didn’t hear it.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Carrie, you know I won’t keep these things a secret from my family. I can’t.”

She looks at me, and I can guess what she’s thinking. I’m putting my family ahead of her, but for right now, I still have to. She’s not family. She’s a woman I’m into, but I’m not in love with her—at least not yet—and we’re certainly not married, so I can’t make her the priority when my family has so much at stake.

“I just wish there was some way to inform my handlers about Bartlomiej trying to do more deals with the Armenians, and his involvement with the bratva as a middleman while not putting their name out there explicitly.”

“I don’t know how you’re going to do that, Carrie. It’s one or the other. Here, there’re really no shades of gray. Either you name them, or you don’t.”

What the fuck is she going to do when she finds out it’s not the bratva? Do I lie to her for my family’s sake, and let her keep thinking it’s them, when it’s us, and has been all along?

“Shane, you’re keeping something from me.”

“Carrie, I’m keeping a lot from you, but that’s never going to change.”

“No, I mean right now. There’s something in this conversation you’re not telling me.”

“Like I said, there’s a lot. There’re things that would endanger you if I told you and put my family, and all the people who rely on us at risk. I know you want to understand better what’s going on, but I just told you a moment ago I’m going to lie to you. I’m going to look you in the eye and lie, or I’m going to lie by omission, and I hate that’s reality. The one thing I won’t lie about is how I feel about you and our relationship. But anything else is fair game for me, and I am sorry. I know what a hypocrite that makes me, when I’m demanding so much of you, but it can’t be and won’t be any other way.”

She watches me, and I know she understands, even if she doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to agree. It’s my greatest fear that as I get to know her better, she’ll come to resent all those secrets. All the things I must keep from her. It makes me wonder if that’ll be what drives us apart. Not the actual danger, not her job, but resentment because I won’t give all of myself to her when I want all of her in return.

“Shane, I get it. If the situation were reversed, and this was just about my job, I would be in the same position. There are things I could never tell you about my work, even if you were just a regular guy. I couldn’t share so many details of the things I do. I wouldn’t be able to tell you where I go when I’m undercover. I’d have to juggle that somehow.”

“I know. As much as I want to insist you never go undercover again, I can’t. I can’t push you that far to give up that much when you’re already going to sacrifice to be with me.”

She reflects upon what I said, and I know the way I phrased it comes across as though I think she can keep her job, but I don’t see how that’s possible. I’m picking my family over her, but I’m expecting her to pick me over her job.

This is all such a fucked-up and twisted and broken situation, but it’s unavoidable and one most of the syndicate men face when they find the woman they want to be with. Balancing wanting all from the woman we’re into while giving so little in return. No one else is with someone in law enforcement, though Aleks Kutsenko’s father-in-law is retired NYPD.

I think Carrie’s the one, but we won’t know if we can’t move forward.

“We’re still at square one because you can’t tell me anything, and I have nothing to pass along. Maybe there’s another syndicate involved.”

“The Polish get along with the Italians well enough, often better than they do the Russians, even though they usually never work for the Italians. They stick to Russian construction sites and jobs.”

Her expression gives nothing away as she leans into what I insinuate. “Why haven’t you suggested it could be the Mafia trying to expand?”

“You mean into Eastern Europe? Because the most logical syndicate would be the bratva. The ties between Russia andPoland go back centuries. The Kutsenkos already have a working relationship with the Poles here. It’s the only permutation that seems reasonable.”

“Seemsreasonable.” She catches that one word. “It doesn’t mean it actually is reasonable. I don’t know if you’re truly using logic, or you’re trying to deter me from digging deeper into this.”

“I’m telling you my thoughts. That’s it.”

“What about the facts? You want them from me.” She shakes her head. “I get there are certain things you can’t tell me. But there have to be a few things safe enough for me to know to make sure I’m pointed in the right direction. I don’t want to go after the bratva if it’s not them.”

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