Page 47 of Mob Bride

“No, I’m giving you an out.”

“That’s not what it sounds like. It sounds like an ultimatum.”

“You’re hurting my feelings, Bartek. I don’t like you when you pressure me, especially not when you’re commanding me and bullying me. None of this is the sweet man you were when we met. Where is he? The one who was patient with me when I was scared.”

“Are you scared of me?”

“Not exactly, but after what happened with your brother and then with my foolish jealousy, having you argue with me over me not putting out doesn’t feel so great.”

“We aren’t arguing. I’m giving you a chance to express those feelings that are so important to you.”

I glare at him, not liking the passive aggressive comment. I think most girlfriends wouldn’t. I retreat to an expression where he thinks I’m about to cry. He croons to me just like he did when I was so injured. Not all the bruises are gone yet, but I’m certainly more presentable than I was right after it happened.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel this way. I’m just frustrated. I know doing more than what we have doesn’t feel right to you,ksiezniczka.”

I might have thrown up a little in my mouth. “You know I have my morning routine when I say my regular prayers and my intercessions for those I think are in need. I’ve been praying a lot for Jacek lately.” Not that he needs to know I’m hoping he’ll die. “Today’s readings felt like someone selected them just for me. I know they weren’t, yet the timing feels like God’s hand at work. From Corinthians, it says, ‘For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality.’ I can’t think of anything more sexually immoral than fornicating before marriage. Some things you’ve suggested to keep me technically a virgin certainly don’t fall in the realm of most people’s sense of morality.”

“Kaja, first of all, I didn’t know you were that judgmental of how people have sex. And second, there’s nothing wrong with a man and a woman expressing their feelings for each other when they’re in a committed relationship. I’m not with anybody else and neither are you.”

It takes all my effort not to flinch now that comment is no longer true.

“Maybe I could have brushed off that reading if it were the only one. But there was more. There was something from the gospel according to Matthew.”

I close my eyes to pretend I’m visualizing the Bible in front of me. I’ve practiced this a bunch of times for moments like this.

“Bartek it says, ‘But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ Sweetheart, I worry about you. I don’t want to be the reason you go to hell.”

He chuckles and sets his hand on my inner right thigh. “I hardly think you and me having sex is what’s going to keep me out of heaven. I think that ship has sailed.”

“Maybe not. Bartek, I know you do what you do because you have to, not because you like it.”

There’s that naivety he loves. His smile softens when I say that.

“There’s a difference between your obligations to your people and what you choose to do with me. Because sex is your free will rather than your duty, I don’t want to make it worse for you.”

“I hardly think, Kaja, that me making love to my girlfriend would make any of it worse. Just the opposite. Pleasing you feels like a divine act.”

“You’ve known since the very beginning how important my faith is to me.”

“Yes, but I didn’t think I’d be trying to fuck a nun.”

My eyes widen, my mouth drops open, and I push against his chest. He knows he’s gone too far when I swing my legs over the side of the chair away from him.

“Bartek, I can’t believe you just said that.”

I force tears to well in my eyes, and I let them tumble down my cheeks. He’s tentative when he reaches to wipe them away, and I allow it for a moment, then I pull away.

“Maybe this isn’t right for us. You deserve a woman who can reciprocate your feelings, not keep you waiting and frustrated.”

I’m toeing a line again, except this one isn’t between pain and pleasure. It’s a line between success and failure, and life and death. However, I need to dig my hooks into him deeper. He’s like a child with a toy. He’ll do anything to hold on to his favorite one, including whatever he’s told to do. I suspect his mother withheld affection from him to manipulate him. He gets desperate when I hint at the same thing.

If I can convince him he wants me too much to give me up, I can actually get some of my freedom back. It would be good to go on this trip to gather intel, but it leaves me unprotected while we travel. If anything goes wrong, my intel goes to the grave with me.

There’s the Boston DEA field office that would be on call, but it’s not the same as the people who’ve been working this case with me. They’re focused on their local syndicates. There’s always the risk things could go to shit, and having another agent in the mix could ruin any ongoing investigations they have. I won’t be their priority. Their assets are.

“Kaja, I don’t mean to hurt you like this. It breaks my heart to see you cry. I’m just in a foul mood today. I really hoped spending time with you would improve it, and even though we’re disagreeing, it’s better being with you than without. So yes, I can wait. I might die with a pair of blue balls, but I can wait.”

His forefinger under my chin lifts it as he returns to the man who wooed me. The one who leaves his violence at the door. The one who could charm a woman unaware of all the vile things he does. When his lips meet mine, I conjure an image of Shane. It doesn’t make me any more eager to kiss Bartek, but at least it makes it bearable.

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