Page 36 of Teach Me How To Fly

The next thing I saw was the man taking little me in his arms and starting to laugh in the most devilish way. I tried screaming at him, but nothing came out of my mouth.

Little Maksen was lost.

And so was I.

I was lost in the darkness I feared most.

I woke up sweating,with my heart racing like it was running a marathon. That tattoo was carved into my soul again, as it has always been after every nightmare I had with that man.

I’ve been having nightmares of him ever since I was in primary school, and with each year that has passed by, they became more terrifying and horrific for me.

I rose from the bed, trying to wipe off the sweat that was covering my face. I started taking deep breaths just to calm down and realize I was awake.

I turned my head to Katya and she was sleeping like a baby, which made me think that I didn’t scream in my sleep or do anything that could’ve woke her up.

I didn’t want to put her in the position to wake me up because I was screaming or God knows what I might’ve done.

I stood up from the bed and stretched my back as I led my feet to the outside of the house. The temperature dropped considerably compared to how hot it was in the morning, so I just sighed and relaxed, letting the sun hug my entire body.

I stepped on the warm sand and breathed in the humid ocean air as soon as I reached the place where the waves were breaking violently on the shore.

Lost as I was, gazing towards the horizon line, I felt how a little teardrop rolled down my cheek without even giving it permission. It just did.

I hated to cry or to show that I was vulnerable in any way, but sometimes, the things that were happening inside of me made me become like this. I hated being like this. I fucking hated it so much.

My chest was rising and falling again in a menacingly fast rhythm, and the stinging around my eyes told that I was about to cry even harder.

After every nightmare that clouded my reality and my perspective of life, I felt that my world was being destroyed and that the earth was completely escaping from under my feet.

I didn’t know where those nightmares came from, or why I had them in the first place, but the only thing I knew was that they were eating me up alive.

Every cell in my body, every breath I took, everything was being shattered and burnt by the flames of the past. And I couldn’t do anything about it.

I put my hands on my head, starting to massage my temples as I closed my eyes and stepped towards the cold water of the ocean.

The moment I felt it hugging my legs and hitting my ankles, I felt a moment of liberation. A moment of pure freedom in which I would’ve loved to drown and never come back. I advanced in the water until I took a big breath of air and sank completely under its surface, leaving my body to float at the merciless will of the foaming waves.

I didn’t care if I drowned.

I didn’t care if I died at this moment.

All I cared about was to be numb; to not feel a single thing of all that was devouring me whole.

But then, a note of warning crept into my mind and the image of my dearest Annalise came to my mind.

I had a reason to live for – a reason not to ever think about wanting to die. Annalise needed a savior, not a slave who longed for his own death.

She needed a man who would fight against everyone like the sun fought against the moon every day at sunset and sunrise. And I had to be that man. I had to be the man she could count on whenever she needed someone.

And I was going to be that man.

I ran my palms over my face and came out to the surface, wringing my hair from the salty water. I stepped out of the ocean and stood a few moments to let the sun’s rays dry me out.

Enough with being vulnerable. Enough with letting my nightmares have control over me. Enough with being a man forced by his own thoughts to act differently than he should. Enough with being little Maksen.

It was the time for the real Maksen Brown to tower over the whole world.

As soon as I entered the house and saw Katya still sleeping, I walked slowly to the bathroom, trying not to make any noise that would have woken her up.

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