Page 63 of Sleeping with the Frenemy

Dammit. Sofi hated how well her mom read her like a book. “I’m not happy, Mami. I haven’t been for a long time, even before I left, and I don’t know how to fix it. I should know, but I don’t. I thought leaving was the right path but that didn’t fix anything really, so I came back thinking that would help, and it has to a point, but I don’t know. Something is still missing.”

Her mom nodded as if Sofi were making sense and not rambling. “You’ve always been the type of person who makes a decision and sticks with it, so it’s not hard to see how you got to this point. You’re like me. Neither one of us sits around thinking about ourselves deeply. We just suck it up and keep going.”

“But you’re happy with your life, right, Ma? You aren’t sitting around regretting all the decisions you’ve ever made.”

“I’m not,” Mami agreed. “But I’m in my fifties, amor. When I was your age and we were struggling to make ends meet, I questioned everything. I kept questioning whether I should’ve taken your father to court for child support, if I was being selfish in trying to go to school instead of focusing on you, if I should accept the financial help your tío was always trying to force on me, if I should’ve dated more in order to find myself a partner and you a better father figure.”

The revelation wasn’t exactly surprising. “What changed?” Sofi asked.

“I realized that I couldn’t accomplish anything if I was always second-guessing myself. I needed to just do what my instincts were telling me to do. It’s what I did when I decided to keep you and that was the greatest decision I ever made. Whenever I struggled, I reminded myself of that and kept going.”

Sofi reached out and grabbed her mom’s hand. “I don’t tell you this enough, but I love you and I’m in awe of you.”

Her mom smiled an adorable, crooked side smile. “I’d ask you what you want, but it’s been years since you needed anything from me.”

“That’s not true. I’ll always need my momma.”

“I don’t know about that. You’ve always been extremely independent and capable. When you were little, you’d be the one reminding me of things. You created a calendar for us to follow, do you remember that?”

Sofi did. It had been a free calendar she’d gotten from some antidrug thing in the second grade. She’d brought it home and immediately began to fill it in with Tío Manny’s games, her speech therapy appointments, pageant things, and her mom’s classes. Then she’d stuck it on the fridge. From then on, there had always been a calendar on the fridge with all their important to-dos. Sofi shook her head at herself. “I’m such a control freak.”

“You are smart and determined,” her mom countered. “You have all the skills you need to do whatever you put your mind to. I mean look at what you’re doing for Kamilah.” She gestured to the Wedding Central wall where everything she’d planned was pinned up along with a gigantic whiteboard. “You’re putting together a wedding reception by yourself with only a few weeks to do it!”

“Well, actually, a lot of it was already done. I just had to tighten some stuff up.”

Mami shook her head. “Ay, mi nena, you’re always downplaying your achievements.” She put a hand on Sofi’s shoulder and shook it. “Listen to what I’m saying to you. You can do whatever you want to do. You don’t need to ask anyone for their blessing or permission. Your only job in this life is to make yourself happy without hurting others. Do what you gotta do, bebé. Y a los que no les gusta, que se joden.”

It was amazing how her mom could tell her exactly what she needed to hear. “I want to quit my job,” she confessed.

At that her mom froze, probably thinking all the things Sofi already continued to agonize over. “Do you know what you’d do instead?” Her tone was going for simple curiosity, but Sofi heard the worry underneath.

“I really like event planning,” Sofi said. “This feels like it takes everything I like and am good at and pushes them together in something actually high stakes.” Not that the stakes weren’t high for the companies she worked for, but at the end of the day that was all about money. This was about more. It was about realizing someone’s dream.

“Okay,” Mami said while nodding her head. “Then go for it.”

“I think I am,” Sofi said. “I just need to finish Kamilah and Liam’s wedding, so I can make a more comprehensive plan.” She paused and bit her lip. “Of course, I also have to tell my dad.”

Mami winced. “Yeah. That is undoubtedly going to be one awkward conversation, but you’re right that you need to have it and sooner rather than later. Sometimes your father needs extra time to wrap his head around things, especially when they’re unexpected.” Basically, her dad liked to have his own way and didn’t like it when people didn’t fall in line. One of the things Sofi respected the most about her mother was that she never bad-mouthed Sofi’s dad. Even when Sofi was little and he’d disappoint her in some way, her mother would simply listen and let Sofi rage, cry, or vent and then she’d ask Sofi what she wanted to do. Mami never placed herself between Sofi and her father. If anything, she was the one who encouraged Sofi to forgive and try to move forward. Mami was really the only reason that Sofi tried as hard as she did to make things work with her dad.

“He’s not going to like it,” Sofi said.

“Probably not,” Mami said. “But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t making the right choice. If this is what you feel like you need, then do it.”

Sofi nodded. “Okay, Mami. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, negrita.” She paused for a moment before throwing Sofi a mischievous smile that reminded Sofi so much of Abuela Fina and Tío Manny. “Now, let’s talk about Leo Vega.”

Sofi groaned. “No, I don’t want to talk about him. Besides, there’s nothing to talk about. We’ve been done for a long time now.”

“It doesn’t seem like it’s done,” Mami commented. “Not with the way he was fussing over you before he left and making us margaritas by hand, no premade mix.” She put emphasis on that last part as if that really meant something.

It really didn’t, but Sofi couldn’t argue with her mom about the first part. Things between her and Leo did not seem done. If anything, the more time she spent with Leo the more they seemed to be creating something different together. She wasn’t exactly sure what, but she wasn’t going to pretend like she didn’t see the writing on the walls. “Honestly, I don’t really know what’s going on. This is different for us both.” They were usually either fucking or fighting. This whole sharing secrets in the dark and taking care of each other was new. And that was scary because she felt like she was standing at the edge of a cliff known to crumble. Sure it seemed sturdy and exciting, but at any moment the ground could give way and send her careening to the jagged rocks below.

“Mira, I’m going to tell you something that I know you aren’t going to want to listen to, but I hope you do.”

Usually Sofi’s answer would be that if she wanted advice, she’d ask for it. However, she would always listen to her mother’s advice even if she didn’t take it.

“Talk to Leo,” Mami said. “For once, tell him what you’re thinking and feeling. See if he’s thinking or feeling the same. Then make a decision together, because I think you might be surprised by what you both want.”

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