Page 88 of Sleeping with the Frenemy

He stayed quiet.

“Exactly. You can’t because you know I’m right.”

Leo plopped down onto the couch and rubbed his face with his working hand as if he were suddenly tired. “Sofi, let me just ask you one thing. Do you love me?”

Sofi paused. “What?”

He looked up at her. “Do you love me? Because I love you. Everything that I’ve done has been for you. To get your attention, to win a smile, to be the kind of man you’d take a chance on and finally let in. That’s all I want, Sofi. For you to let me in. Let me love you and let yourself love me.”

Sofi stood there staring at him trying to catch up. How did she become the one in the hot seat?

“I’ve been here loving you. It was never about just sex for me, but I was willing to accept your body since that was all you were willing to give.” He swallowed. “But I can’t do that anymore. I can’t accept pieces. I need the whole thing. I need your body, your mind, your heart, your soul—all of you, every single centimeter. Because you already have all of me. But I need to know, is that what you want too? Because if it’s not, then I don’t even know what we’re doing here.”

“That’s not fair,” she told him. He didn’t get to just bypass everything else and get to the heart of the situation. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

“You can.”

She shook her head. She didn’t think she could.

“You’re just mad at me about the stuff with our grandparents,” he told her. “But if you’d just let me prove th—”

“Even if none of this other stuff had happened, you want something from me that I don’t think I can give you and I want something from you that is not realistic to ask for.” She wanted him to actually look at her as a person instead of a goal to achieve. She wanted him to take her wants, dreams, and needs into consideration before he acted in his own interest. She wanted him to not just need her but respect her and support her. But she no longer thought he was capable of that, if she ever did. She put her hands up in aWhat can you do about it?gesture. “We’re at an impasse.”

“It’s only an impasse because you’re being stubborn and I get why, Sofi. I really do. You’re scared to let me in, but we could be so good. I know we can. Just don’t push me away. Don’t lock me out,” he pleaded.

“Leo, this is too much for me right now. With everything else going on. It’s too much. I need a break. Give me time to think. The wedding is in two weeks. After that I’ll have time.”

His face fell. “Don’t worry about it,” Leo told her. “You just answered my question. You don’t want to be with me. If you did, you wouldn’t constantly be ready to sacrifice our relationship at the altar of everything else in your life. I’m not a priority for you and I never have been.”

“Leo, that’s not fair.”

“Maybe not, but it’s true all the same. I know you better than anyone else on this earth. I know that if you truly wanted this, you would put in the work to make it a success. You’d be willing to fight for it and for me, because that’s what you do for the things you really want. I need to stop waiting for you to want this as much as I do. I need to accept that you don’t. That’s not on you. That’s on me.”

“So what? You’re breaking up with me even though you’re the one who lied and manipulated the situation to get here?”

“I was wrong. I shouldn’t have done all of that. It wasn’t okay and it shouldn’t have felt as necessary as it did.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” she pointed out.

“Because I don’t know. I don’t know what to say to you, Sofi. Every fiber of my being tells me that you’re it for me. But I don’t understand why it has to be this hard. I don’t know what else I can do or say to make you see it too and I’m tired. I’m tired of having to prove myself.” His voice caught. His eyes filled.

Sofi’s eyes filled too. She hated seeing him like this, beat down and without hope. She didn’t want that for him. She wanted him to be happy, she truly did. But it was clear that she wasn’t the one who would make him happy. She couldn’t be who he needed just like he couldn’t be hers. All they did when they tried was hurt each other. “We need to stop doing this to each other,” Sofi said.

Leo nodded.

So that was it, then. They were done. “I’m going to stay at Kamilah’s place tonight. And tomorrow I’ll tell my mom that I’ll be her new roommate. At least until I find something else.”

Leo stared at his shoes. “Do what you need to do, Sofi.”

She was quiet. She didn’t want things to end this way. She didn’t want him to not even be able to look at her. “Leo, please don’t be like this. Don’t hate me.”

He looked at her then. “I don’t hate you, Sofi. I’m not even mad at you.” He sighed. “I’ve always been too damn willing to run into the fire even if I get burned. I need to remember that not everyone is like that.”

Was he really calling her a chickenshit again? Because she wasn’t willing to get hurt over and over again, suddenly she was a coward? That was some major bullshit, especially when Leo’s thoughts on his bravery were skewed. He wasn’t all that brave. “Oh? And what about flying? What about the fact that you only became a firefighter and fought so hard to get back because you’re scared that it’s the only thing you’re good at? Don’t talk to me about facing and fighting fears when you can’t even be real with yourself. I know I don’t trust people. I know I push people away out of fear they’ll hurt me. That’s because they do. Because they did. I know my faults. You, on the other hand, are delusional. You act like you own your faults, but you don’t. You just try to distract from them.”

Now Sofi wanted to fight. She wanted his reaction.

“You’re absolutely right.” He leaned back against the couch as if he just didn’t have the energy to prop up his bones, and she felt deflated. “I have been delusional, and I need to face reality. I’m not sure what that reality entails, but I do know one thing for sure and it’s that I didn’t survive being shot just to keep putting myself through this torture over and over.” He pushed himself to his feet, grabbed his pharmacy bag off the coffee table, and then shuffled to his room without ever once looking back.

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