Page 97 of Perfect Enough

“Iammeeting with Haven. Tomorrow morning.”

Going back to eating, I finished everything and picked up the hangover drink. I took a quick whiff and was surprised to find that it smelled good. I downed it before picking up the water and drinking all of that as well.

“Okay, well, that’s one way to drink it,” she said, taking the tray and stepping back. “Do you want me to get you anything else?”

“I’m not sick, damn it! I’m just fucking tired and want to be left alone.”

Sophia’s jaw clenched, but she didn’t say anything else. Instead, she turned and walked out of the room, softly shutting the door behind her.

I swung my feet around and stood. At least I wasn’t dizzy anymore. My hand scrubbed down my face as I made my way into the bathroom. I turned on the hot water, took off my boxers, and stepped under the spray. It felt good when my muscles finally started to relax. I wasn’t sure if it was the food, drink, or hot water, but I slowly began to feel like myself.

The pain in my chest hadn’t eased any, though, and I fought to keep myself from punching the tile wall. It wasn’t fair that hewas gone. There were so many things we still needed to do. The old car Granddad wanted to get and restore. That was still on our list. A camping trip with me and Nate was planned for next month. We couldn’t wait to fish and just hang out with him.

He was going to meet Sophia. I’d told him I was falling in love with her the very morning he passed away.

Resting my hand on the cold tile wall, I hung my head and let the tears fall. He’d never meet Sophia, hold my kids, or tell me how much they reminded him of me. We’d never hear him go on and on about how he didn’t like game night, knowing that he secretly loved it. I’d never see his smile again.

The feeling of grief swept over me harder than ever before. I dropped my hand, clenched my fists together and let out a frustrated “fuck!” so loud, I was sure Sophia heard me.

Lifting my head, I stared up at the ceiling and yelled, “Why did you take him from us?Why?I hate you!I hate you!”

When my body sagged against the shower wall, I slowly slid down and sat on the floor. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there as the hot water slowly turned ice cold.

I walked into the kitchen and found no signs of Sophia. After checking the guest room where she was staying, I sighed inwardly when I saw her things still there. I’d told her to leave but hadn’t truly wanted her to go. I just needed some time to myself.

“Sophia?” I called out as I opened the back door and looked to see if she was in the yard. When I couldn’t find her anywhere, I finally looked out front to see her car was gone.

My phone rang, and I picked it up to see the captain calling me. I sent it to voicemail. It had been a week since I’d gotten that call from my sister to come home. It felt like an eternity. The planning for the funeral, then the funeral itself, had beendifficult enough. But seeing my grandmother and everyone else so brokenhearted, then the memorial last night…

I was glad it was all over. The constant reminders of him being gone were too much to handle. The stories initially made me smile and comforted me, but they only made me angrier as the days went on.

A text came through, and I looked down to see it was Eric.

Cap: I wanted to see how you were doing, Josh. I want you to know you can take as much time as you need before returning to the station.

Staring at his text, I was reminded that if I’d been here on the ranch that day, I might have been able to save Granddad’s life. Instead, I was working a fire.

Closing my eyes, I recalled the day I’d told Granddad I wouldn’t be working on the ranch full time anymore. He’d been so supportive, but I could see it in his face—he was also slightly disappointed. He would never say it, but I knew.

I glanced around the house and almost laughed. This was what I’d said I wanted, wasn’t it? To be alone. Now I was, and the silence was almost too much to take.

I headed back to my room and changed. I needed fresh air, and being on the back of a horse would do the trick.

After changing, I made my way to my truck in time to see Sophia pulling up. She got out of her car and walked over.

“Your mother wanted me to come and pick up a lasagna and some salad that was brought over. She said they have too much food.” When I said nothing, she looked me up and down and asked, “Are you going somewhere?”

“Riding. I need to clear my head and get some fresh air.”

Nodding, she chewed on her lower lip. “Would you like the lasagna for lunch?”

I shook my head. “I think I’ll go see Grams after, so I’ll just have lunch there.”

“Oh, okay, that sounds good.”

I was so confused. When I was alone, I didn’t want to be, but seeing Sophia only made me think about last night, and that made me feel even more shitty. “You don’t have to stay here, Sophia. You can go home.”

“So you’ve told me.”

---