Page 99 of Quiet Longing

I slid down the wall until I was hunched on the floor, tears spilling down my cheeks as I wept. I was too caught up in the shame spiral to worry about anyone finding me crying my eyes out. I’d had a shaky start to the evening when I hid in the restroom, but things had gotten better. I thought I was doing well, socialising, being around lots of other people. Yet here I was, completely broken.

I would always be broken.

“Charli.”

Suddenly, I was being scooped up into strong, solid arms and carried away from the spot on the floor. I buried my face in Rhys’ chest, absorbing his familiar scent tinged with the whiskey he’d spilled on himself. It was only when someone else spoke I realised we weren’t alone.

“Take her in here,” Aidan said, and more embarrassment crept in. It was one thing having Rhys witness my meltdown, but Aidan was one person too many. “I’ll make sure no one bothers you.”

“Thanks, Aidan,” Rhys replied, his words rough, and Aidan left, the door clicking shut behind him.

Rhys lowered me down onto a two-seat leather couch in the small office, then went to grab some tissues from a box on Aidan’s desk. He approached the couch, sitting down next to me as he quietly dabbed away my tears.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice scratchy and dry from crying.

Rhys’ jaw flickered. “If you say sorry one more fucking time, Charli, I swear to—” His angry words fell off when he saw me tense then swore under his breath, his voice gentling to barely a whisper, “I’m an idiot. I’m the one who should be saying sorry.”

I caught his hand, wrapping my fingers around his while he still held the tissue up to my cheek. “It’s okay. I’m just incredibly … skittish.”

His shoulders slumped as he exhaled, eyes latching onto mine. They flickered back and forth as though trying to read between the lines. “The way you looked at me out there. It was like you thought I was going to lash out or something. Like I was going to blame you formyclumsiness.” His eyes were still on mine, delving deep. I saw it the moment realisation dawned, and if I wasn’t already sitting, my legs might’ve gone out from under me. Because Rhys had just figured out the truth. It was plain as day in his eyes.

Again, his jaw flickered and tensed, his other hand coming up to gently tuck some hair behind my ear as he softly pressed his forehead to mine, and my breath caught. I felt his eyelashes flutter against my face when he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “I’m going to fuckingkillhim,” he seethed, and I’d never heard such quiet, lethal fury. Not even when Jesse had been at his most vicious. This was different. Rhys’ anger wasn’t directed at me. It was directed at the person who’d caused me so much irreversible harm.

Suddenly, panic gripped me. I didn’t want Rhys seeking revenge on my behalf. I just wanted to be happy that what had happened was finally over, and I could live my life and make the most of whatever contentment I might be able to scrounge together in the aftermath.

I needed to fix this. I needed to reverse whatever conclusion Rhys had come to in his head, convince him he was wrong.

“Rhys, this isn’t what you t-think,” I said as I shifted away from him slightly.

His hand—oh so gentle—moved from my ear to whisper along my jaw as he tilted his head. A universe of sadness and regret filled his eyes, almost eclipsing the fury. “If it isn’t, then how come I recognise the look in your eyes so well, Charli? How come I see the terror I saw so many times in my own when Ilooked in the mirror? In my mother’s when she was scrambling across the kitchen floor trying to get away from him?”

More tears sprang forth. Rhys continued wiping them away, his focus on me laser sharp

“I’m going to make that motherfucker rue the day he ever raised a finger to you.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” I argued weakly.

“Yes, it does. It does when someone hurt you, Charli, and I wasn’t fucking there to stop him.” His words were laced with self-recrimination and regret.

I reached for him then, my fingers sliding across the back of his neck and sifting into his hair. A faint shudder went through him at my touch. “You don’t know what happened, and it isn’t your fault.”

“I might not know specifics, but I can piece it together well enough based on your behaviour. I spent nineteen years watching my own mother behave the exact same way. And I know it’s not my fault. That doesn’t mean I don’t have every intention of evening out the score.”

I blinked back another tear. “What does that even mean?”

“It doesn’t matter what it means. All you have to know is that no one will ever lay their hands on you again so long as I live.”

I was dumbfounded, unable to comprehend how much he seemed to care. I wasn’t his to worry about, yet he spoke like our fates were intertwined. It didn’t make sense.

Amid my confusion, a strange mix of relief and sadness filled me. Relief because having someone like Rhys declare I was under his protection felt like I could finally let my guard down and breathe even though it wasn’t his responsibility to keep me safe. And sadness because I saw the cogs turning in his brain, somehow making what happened to me his fault. He couldn’t protect his mother for so many years, and he hadn’t been able to protect me either.

I was suddenly aware of the way we were sitting. I’d shifted closer to him, was practically in his lap. “You’re a good man,” I whispered to him, my eyes tracing his handsome features as my fingers continuing sifting through his hair. His gaze grew hooded like he enjoyed my touch. Like it chased away some of the anger he felt. “But my trauma isn’t your responsibility to fix.”

“I’ll decide what is and isn’t my responsibility, Charli. And you wouldn’t think I was such a good man if you knew some of the thoughts I’ve had about you,” he replied roughly, and my pulse picked up for a different reason. Being alone in a room with Rhys was like swallowing the antidote to all my worries and fears. His presence seeped into my bloodstream like medicine.

I lifted my eyebrows. “Thoughts?”

His eyes dipped to my mouth then back up. “Best kept in my head where they belong.”

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