Page 8 of Quiet Longing

It took a long while to fall asleep, and when I did, I strangely found myself dreaming of thick, dark hair and bright, hazel eyes. I needed to get a handle on my attraction to Derek’s cousin because, as he said, she was off limits. She was here to spend the summer with Nuala. She didn’t need me creepily lusting after her.

The next morning, my alarm went off, and I silenced it quickly so as not to disturb Shay. It was too late, though, because he was already awake. I worried he was going to ask me againwhy Mam and me stayed over last night, and I was still in no mood to talk about it. To my relief, he didn’t bring it up.

Instead, he signed,You can borrow some of my clothes if you want.You didn’t bring anything with you.

In my hurry to get Mam out of the house last night, I’d completely forgotten to pack anything for myself.

“Thanks for the offer, but I’m not going to fit into any of your stuff,” I replied, running a hand through my sleep mussed hair.

Shay frowned, looking worried he’d offended me. We might’ve been a similar height, but we definitely didn’t wear the same size. I could do with losing a stone (or three), not for aesthetic reasons but more for health. I was supposed to be starting college at the end of the summer, but I was in two minds about it. I had a secret ambition to join the French Foreign Legion instead. I wanted to get away from my life, away from Dad, but I couldn’t do that until Mam was safely squared away. I also wouldn’t be accepted into the legion unless I was in peak physical health, so …

Sorry, Shay signed.I didn’t mean—

It’s fine.No offence taken.I can survive wearing yesterday’s clothes,I signed in response.

Leaving his bedroom, I went to use the bathroom, washing my face and gargling some mouthwash in lieu of using a toothbrush. When I went downstairs, I found Aunt Claire and Uncle Eugene in the kitchen drinking coffee.

“Is Mam still asleep?” I asked, and my aunt nodded, her eyes gentle as they ran over me.

“Yes, and why don’t you go back to bed, hon? You look exhausted.”

“I can’t. I have work,” I replied, and she stood from the table.

“Well, at least let me make you some breakfast before you go.”

I nodded and sat, feeling like a fish in a bowl as they both eyed me, concern and worry etched into their faces.

“Your mother can stay here with us for a few weeks until we sort out a better situation,” Eugene said. “It’s not safe for her to go home with your father there.”

“Okay,” I said, feeling relieved. “That’s good. Thank you both. I don’t know where we would’ve gone last night if …” I trailed off, emotion catching in my throat. Claire came and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“I tried to convince your mam to report your dad, but she’s refused. I’m not sure how we’re going to deal with your father, but it’s not safe for you to go back to that house either. Promise me you’ll come straight here after you finish work today.”

“Okay, sure,” I said. “I’ll come back here, but I might need to go home and grab some clothes.”

“I’ll bring you,” Eugene said. “I have to work today, but I’ll find time later this week.”

“Right,” I replied as Claire put two slices of bread in the toaster for me.

A small period of quiet fell before Claire returned to the table, setting tea and buttered toast in front of me. She sat across the table as I took a bite, her eyes gentle when she asked, “How many times has this happened?”

I swallowed down the lump of bread like it was a solid brick then muttered, “How long is a piece of string.”

My aunt gasped. I looked up and found her eyes shiny with emotion. Eugene’s were a mix of empathy and fury though I knew the latter was for my dad.

“Oh, darling, why didn’t you ever come to us?” Claire asked, reaching out to touch my hand. I stilled, feeling a strange discomfort at her tender, caring words. If I could’ve convinced Mam to come to her sister’s sooner, how much suffering might we have avoided?

“She made me promise not to tell anyone,” I answered quietly. “When she took him back this year, she was convinced he’d changed. But last night, she finally came to her senses and realised he hasn’t changed, and he never will.”

Again, my aunt’s eyes were etched with emotion. It felt so odd to talk to someone about this because it was a secret my family kept for such a long time. I finished eating then brought my dishes to the sink.

“We’ll see you back here later, yes?” Claire asked as I made to leave. “No going back to your house?”

“I’ll come straight here, I promise,” I told her then headed out.

Work was hectic as usual, but for once, I was glad for how busy it was. I didn’t have time to stress about Mam or worry about how incensed Dad must’ve been when he came home and found both of us gone. He might suspect where Mam was, but my aunt wouldn’t let him into the house if he showed up there, and Shay would be around to scare him off.

Dad had always been strangely freaked out by Shay’s mutism, thinking there was something off about him and that it wasn’t a simple medical condition. He also hated how Mam and me knew sign language, that we had a way of communicating that excluded him.

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