Page 87 of Quiet Longing

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On Monday morning I texted Nuala asking for Charli’s number. Looking it up in her employee file didn’t sit right, felt a little invasive. Of course, Nuala wanted to know why I needed it, and I quickly texted back about giving Charli a lift to the tax office. That seemed to satisfy her.

The thing was, I could’ve easily walked across the hall and talked to Charli in person, but the last thing I needed was nosy Maeve listening in and reporting back to Steph.

I knew what my ex was like. Possessive in the extreme. Several times, we’d gotten into arguments about how I shouldn’t interact with other female members of staff at the hotel because they’d get the wrong impression and think I was interested in them. I’d responded that I could hardly do my job if I couldn’t speak to more than half of my coworkers since the hotel employed more women than men. Those arguments had always ended in stalemates, and Steph would give evil eyes to certain female colleagues she was convinced fancied me. It was another side to her I hadn’t enjoyed, and remembering those fights just made me even more relieved we were no longer together.

With Charli, though, if Steph found out about our history, she might try to make things difficult for her, and after our conversation in my car on Friday, I knew it was important to Charli that she get along with her new coworkers.

I typed up a text.

Me: Hey, it’s Rhys. I hope you don’t mind that I got your number from Nuala. You still need a lift to the tax office at lunch? I can meet you in the car park at 1 p.m.

A few minutes later, I received a response.

Charli: Well, hello :-) No worries about getting my number from Nuala. I should’ve thought to give it to you on Friday. I’ve now saved yours in my contacts. And yes, that sounds great. See you at 1 p.m.

An unexpected rush of warmth filled my chest at the idea of her saving my number. I liked her having it, knowing she could call me if she ever needed anything.

Later, I spotted her walking out the front entrance as I sat in my car. She scanned for me then started making her way over. I got out and opened the passenger side door for her.

“Is this your reserved parking spot?” she asked as she climbed in.

“Yes, why?”

“Oh, I just noticed you were parked here on Friday, too. Pretty swanky.”

I smiled. “I’m glad my parking spot impresses you.”

She chuckled. “I mean, it’s so close to the entrance. Thatisimpressive. Or maybe I’m just easily wowed.”

“Nah,” I said fondly. “Being able to park close to the entrance in this country is always a plus since it’s lashing rain half the time.”

Charli smiled, and I closed the door before going around to the driver’s side. Again, her scent hit me as soon as I got in, and I had to focus on ignoring the memories it encouraged, how youngand eager we’d once been for each other. What was I saying? I was still just as fucking eager, but I was old and wise enough to resist what I knew was a bad idea.

A few minutes into the journey, she said, “How is your mom, by the way? I completely forgot to ask about her.”

My gut sank as I realised she had no idea Mam had passed away. My hands flexed on the steering wheel as I swallowed down the lump in my throat. It had been ten years since her death, and it stilled pained me to be reminded she was gone.

“Rhys?” Charli asked in concern when she noticed my frown.

I pressed my lips together then said, “She, um—” Hell, why was my throat so scratchy? “She passed away when I was twenty-five.”

I heard her sharp intake of breath, her voice softening. “My goodness, Rhys, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Her hand briefly touched my arm before she moved it back to her lap.

“She had breast cancer. I’d hoped when she went into remission the first time that would be the end of it, but a couple years later, it came back more aggressive than before.” My words trailed off, and I could feel her eyes on me, empathising. My gaze remained glued to the road in front.

“The first time?” she asked gently.

I hadn’t intended to get into this, but if Charli and I were to spend time together, my reason for cutting off contact with her all those years ago was going to come up sooner or later.

“A few months after I enlisted in France, I got a phone call that she’d been diagnosed. I—” Words failed me for a moment before I continued, “It was the worst period of my life. Mam’s divorce from Dad had just come through. She’d found herself a new place to live and finally had her freedom, then like some sick joke, she finds out she has cancer. It seriously fucked me up. I fell into a deep depression, didn’t tell anyone about Mam’s illness until months later when she went into remission.”

Charli let out a quiet gasp. “That was … was that why—”

“Why I stopped emailing you? Yeah. Not my finest moment, but I was a wreck at the time, angry, felt like raging at the entire world. I made a lot of decisions I wasn’t proud of.”

I glanced at her pointedly, hoping she knew that not keeping in touch with her was one of those decisions. It was the worst of them. Her silence felt heavy like a lot of things were running through her mind. Puzzle pieces fitting together.

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