Page 20 of Quiet Longing

“Just an accident,” I replied quietly.

Again, he stared at me. “A little accident prone, are you?”

I blinked at him. “Pardon?”

Padraig sighed. “I went to school with your dad, you know. He was a bollocks back then, too.”

“I don’t know what you’re—”

“He came around here this morning looking for you,” he went on, cutting me off, and my blood ran cold. “Pissed drunk and shouting the odds, asking where you were hiding your mother. I take it she’s left him, then? For good this time, I hope.”

All my energy to pretend things were fine and normal deflated, and I slumped down onto a seat. Glancing up at Padraig, I replied, “It’s been a long time coming.”

“Yes, it has,” he agreed, and a weighted silence fell between us.

I wondered just how long he’d suspected something wasn’t right in my home life. I’d spent so much time at his house with Derek and Tristan, and he’d never complained, never once told his sons their friend was overstaying his welcome. I hadn’t even realised it, but the Balfe house was my sanctuary. It was a place I knew I could always go when I had nowhere else.

“I won’t pry for details because I suspect you won’t part with them even if I do. I presume your mother is somewhere safe?”

I nodded. “She’s with her sister in Phibsborough. I’m staying there, too, until we can figure something out.”

“That’s a bit of a commute going there and back for your shifts. Why don’t you stay at ours for a couple weeks? You can bunk up with Derek, and it’ll give your mam a break, some time to think about her next steps.”

My eyes widened because living at his house for a few weeks was a very generous offer. It would be better than being at my aunt and uncle’s, with the two of them looking at me like I was a poor little kid who’d been beaten on. I didn’t need to bereminded. I needed not to think about it for a while, and the idea of staying at the Balfes’ made me feel like I could breathe again. I was weary and exhausted down to my bones, and a break away from things might be exactly what I needed.

Another thought dominated my brain, though, because staying with the Balfes would also mean living under the same roof as Charli.

I’d only just met her, but she was the one person who could simply look at me, and for however long that look lasted, I forgot about my problems. All the reasons for my weariness disappeared, even if only for a moment.

“Yeah,” I finally answered past a stuttering breath. “I’d like that. I’ll run it by my mam, but I’m sure she’ll be okay with it.”

Padraig eyed me a moment, running a hand over his clean shaven jaw, then said, “You know, it might be a good idea to talk to Derek about what’s going on. Keeping things locked up isn’t always good for us, and speaking to a friend can help. My son is a good listener. He’s always been a very smart, emotionally intelligent lad, and—”

“I can’t,” I blurted. I hadn’t intended to interrupt him. It just came out. But the idea of talking to Derek, to anyone, really, made me feel like there was a clamp tightening around my gut. I didn’t want people looking at me like Aunt Claire and Uncle Eugene did. And now, Padraig. Keeping the number of people who knew the truth to a minimum felt like the best possible option. Besides, Derek might’ve been emotionally intelligent, but that didn’t mean he’d understand what I was going through. Compared to me, he’d lived a charmed life and I didn’t want him pitying me or feeling sorry for me. I just wanted everything to stay normal.

Or as normal as possible, given the circumstances.

I didn’t want my best friend to know how my dad made me feel so weak. How I always failed in my attempts to stand up to him. I was so full of shame as it was.

Padraig must’ve sensed my desperation because he gave a sober nod. “Okay, well, in that case, we’ll just tell the boys your parents are having some renovations done on the house, and that’s why you’re staying with us.”

“Okay,” I said, meeting his gaze and swallowing back the lump of gratefulness lodged in my throat. “Thank you, sir.”

Padraig stepped forward and placed his hand on my shoulder. “No need to thank me. You’ve always been a good influence on my boys. You keep them grounded. Besides, Jo loves having you around. You’re like the nephew she never had.”

Again, I just about managed to hold it together. What was it about being offered a simple bit of kindness that made me feel like I might break apart? Maybe I just wasn’t used to it.

When I finished my shift, I called Mam and explained I was going to be staying with the Balfes. It surprised me when she sounded relieved, probably because she felt like both of us staying at her sister’s was too much trouble, and Mam hated anyone being put out because of her. My temples hurt, a headache coming on. Dad had messed her head up so much she wasn’t even comfortable taking hospitality from her own sister. And me, well, I hated admitting it, but I was relieved, too. I needed to get away from my shitty family situation and just be around people like my friends, people who didn’t have the heavy burdens weighing them down that I did.

Jo was in the kitchen making nachos when I arrived at the house. I knocked on the back door since that was typically how Derek and Tristan entered.

“Rhys! Come in,” she said as she slid the door over. “Padraig called to tell me you were staying with us for a few weeks. What a treat. I love having a full house,” she smiled widely, and it wasimpossible to tell if Padraig had told her the truth about why I was staying with them. There was an easiness about her, the sort of easiness that came with knowing your husband loved you and cared about your wellbeing.

I wondered if my mam could ever be as relaxed and happy as Josephine Balfe. If she could be even half as content as the woman in front of me, then I’d be able to rest easy.

I scratched the back of my neck. “Yeah, thanks for having me.”

“Not at all. We love your company. The gang are in the living room choosing a movie to watch. Why don’t you go in and join them?”

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