Okay, maybe some of it was alittlescary. She didn’t want the part that allowed her to raise the dead, that still freaked her out. But levitating things? Cloaking herself? Riding a broom? Going to Italy simply by closing her eyes and muttering some words?
Yes, please.
Those were only a fraction of the things she was learning to do. They’d help her become a part of something, something she desperately needed right now. She wanted to feel like she belonged somewhere again. She wanted to feel connected, and as the idea of having magic grew on her, Robbie wanted to deepen the link to her power.
She didn’t want to squander this gift by failing to use it correctly. She wanted to use it well, when it was needed most…
And she was afraid she was failing.
Shrugging, Robbie whispered, “Maybe. My mother did demand perfection, and realistically, I know that’s impossible. But there’s a part of me, a part that says if you don’t get to perfection, you’ll be rejected—again. I mean, my own family rejected me all my life for far less. If I can’t do this, if I’m the coven’s only hope and I flop, they won’t want me either.”
“I don’t believe that shit, but if that’s true, then fuck ’em,” Nina growled with anger. “You can be a part of our whatever the fuck this is.”
“Friends. Nina means we’re friends,” Marty corrected, stroking her cheek. “Or as she calls us,framily.There will always be a place for you here, Robbie. Good, bad, ugly. We don’t rateyou on how perfect you are. You don’t have to work yourself to death to prove you’re worthy. Not the way you’re doing now, not the way you’ve done all your life. You’re worthy. Period.”
Marty’s words, words she’d longed to hear all her life from the people who were supposed to love her unconditionally, made her choke up. “But Iwantto do this, Marty. I want to do it for this coven I hope to be a part of someday. I want to do it for Greer. I want to do it forme,and if that means casting spell after spell until my fingers bleed, I’ll do it.”
Wanda smoothed the hair on the back of her head. “Oh, sweetie, stop listening to that voice in your head that says you’re not enough.Stop,” she whispered. “You’re beautiful and smart, and funny and annoying as all get out when your food touches and you make that face, but we don’t care. We care about you and your mental health and the pressure you’re putting on yourself.”
Closing her eyes, she absorbed their kind words, their affirmations. “All my life, my mother accused me of being nothing more than a dreamer, of not doing enough. No matter what I wanted to do, she sucked the joy out of it because it was unrealistic, because ‘in the real world, Roberta, the prince doesn’t save you from the beast. You have to save yourself.Work more, spend less time with your empty head in the clouds.’ Well, I’m doing that now and look where it’s getting me.”
Tottington nodded, his face grim. “She did indeed say that. Often. She never encouraged playtime. There was very little laughter in the Tisdale home. Agatha was quite rigid.”
Nina threw her arm around his shoulder and squeezed him. “She was a bitch, Tater Tot. If you can’t say it, I’ll say it the fuck for you.”
Tottington cringed at her coarse language, but he nodded. “Thank you, Miss.”
Nina winked and grinned at him. “Anything for you, Tater Tot.”
Marty nodded. “I think it’s the only thing your dreadful mother’s said that I agree with. Not about dreaming. We should all dream—always. But you did save yourself, Robbie. Look at what you’ve accomplished. You left with nothing and you made your way just fine.”
Her laugh was bitter. “Is ‘fine’ a shithole for an apartment and a job at the Dollar General? Is that fine? I think that’s more like mediocre, and mediocre won’t cut it now.”
Tottington reached for her hand, pulling away from Nina, his gray eyes fierce. “Don’t you dare say such things, Roberta Tisdale! That horrible, controlling woman took everything from you. Your money, your home. She blackballed you in the business community with as many contacts as she could, just so she could keep her Louboutin on your neck. You areanythingbut mediocre. How dare you scoff at your resourcefulness, your…your moxie!” he spat, tiny beads of saliva shooting from his mouth.
Nina held up a fist to him to bump with a wide grin. “God. I’m obsessed. Fucking speak, Tots!”
When Tottington got fired up, which was never, she listened. Laughing, Robbie smiled at all of them, squeezing Tottington’s hand. “I didn’t know you even noticed.” Tottington had always been so expressionless. She never imagined he paid attention to what was going on around him.
“I wasn’t supposed to, Miss. My job was to tend to the household’s needs, but please don’t ever think there weren’t at least a hundred occasions I wished to tell your mother to shut her horrible mouth. Had she physically harmed you, I surely would have handled her. Now that I see the psychological damage she’s done, I regret not speaking out. However, ’tis whyI left with you. Being poverty-stricken by your side is a far better life than the one provided by your mother.”
Feeling bolstered by his words, she jumped up and gave him a hug she knew he’d feel uncomfortable about. “I love you, Tater Tot.” Then she turned to everyone with a smile. “Thanks for the pep talk, guys. What will I do without you when this is all over?”
Wanda cocked her head as though Robbie had gone mad. “Youwon’tdo without us.Ever.”
Tears stung her eyes, but tears wouldn’t find Greer’s village. Clapping her hands together, she straightened her shoulders and looked at them all. “Okay, let’s try this again, yes? Let Greer have some time to himself. He’s worried about the people he loves, and if he’s pushing me, it’s only out of fear.”
“He better rein that fear in, or I’ll show the fucknut what fear really is,” Nina groused.
“Nina,” Robbie said, her eyes round and pleading. “I’m okay. I really am. Yes, I’m tired, but doing a good job sometimes means long hours, and I really want to do a good job, Vampire. I want to find out if these people are in danger and if I can help. The sooner the better.”
Wanda leaned into her with a light nudge to her ribs. “That doesn’t sound like something a dreamer with her head in the clouds says,” she teased.
Robbie grinned. “Except, look at the dreamer with something people dream about all the time.” She twirled her left hand, making a tiny ball of orange and purple fire appear, turning it around in her palm. “Magic. I havemagic.”
“God, I love when you do that,” Marty complimented, clapping her hands with a giggle.
Robbie loved doing it, too. It was a light, easy connection to this new feeling coursing through her veins.