Page 9 of The Accidental Ghost

“The type of ghost you are has a category, and when I know your category, I can better help you,” he informed her, his tone all business. “There are lots of different types of ghosts. The traumatized, the bitter and looking for revenge, the lost, the floaters, the undecided, the stage-five clingers, and…you.”

“Stage-five clinger?” Ralph quite suddenly felt dizzy.

“The ghosts clinging to this plane.”

Maybe that’s what she was doing? Clinging to this plane? But if she was clinging, why was she clinging to this particular spot on this plane?

Wanda clearly saw her confusion. “Why don’t we all sit down and discuss this. We’re here to help. Er, can you sit down, Ralph?” she asked.

Ralph blinked. “I can. I mean, I have. I sat in one of the zillion guest beds here in Castle Dracula just the other night.”

“Aren’t you a fucking gas?” Nina snarked with a scowl to her pretty face.

She needed to shut up right now. There was nothing like insulting the people trying to help you, but words seemed to fly from her lips before she could stop them.

Finding a place on the matching red velvet love seat, Ralph sat, apologizing to Nina. “I’m sorry. I’m usually not so forward. I don’t know what’s happening, but my brain no longer feels like it’s in charge of my mouth.” Then she looked to Wanda. “Anyway, I definitely want to discuss…my situation.”

Wanda smiled and gave her a thumbs up. “Good. First, I feel like you know an awful lot about us because you’ve been here for a week?—”

“Lurking like some fucking psycho invisible stalker,” Nina interjected.

Marty put a finger on Nina’s lips and pressed. “Quiet.”

“Let us explain what we do as a group so maybe you’ll feel more comfortable with us helping you,” Wanda continued.

“Why…why would you help me? You don’t even know me. I mean, I can’t pick anything up, so I doubt a trip to the ATM is in my near future. I can’t pay you.”

“Much like Shamus, we help people in paranormal pickles and we don’t charge any money. We offer our services to people who’ve been accidentally turned into one species of the supernatural or the other.”

She’d heard them talking one night about something called OOPS, and a mermaid named Esther who they’d helped. Maybe that had to do with whatever Wanda was talking about.

Ralph frowned, twisting her fingers together, repositioning the rings on them. “Accidents? Obviously, this was an accident. Aren’t most deaths at my age an accident unless there’s something medical? I’m healthy as a horse. I just had a physical four months ago.”

Wanda leaned toward her with a gentle smile. “Let me explain.”

And she did—explain.

Wow, did she ever.

When Wanda was done, Ralph remained quiet while she digested all her talk of accidental bitings, blood spills and other assorted tragedies.

“It’s a lot. We know how you feel,” Marty said, her voice dripping with sympathy.

“But even if my death was an accident, no one turned me into a ghost by mistake the way you were turned into a werewolf, Marty. Did they?”

“Let’s just call you accident adjacent for now,” Wanda said with a cheerful smile. “We can still help. Isn’t that all that matters?”

Nina scoffed, dropping her long limbs into a freestanding chair and crossing her ankles. “We don’t know what the fuck happened to you, but we do know how to help you adjust to being a paranormal. If that’s what you are. Maybe you’re always gonna be floating around, spying on people. Who knows? And then the ghostbuster here can help find out what fucking breed of ghost you are, where the fuck you’re supposed to be, and you can go on your merry way.”

A breed of ghost. Like she was some kind of animal.

Gulp.

Shamus stirred, holding up his phone. “This won’t help figure out the kind of ghost you are, but it does explain what happened to you, Raphaela.”

Ooo, when he said her name, it sent shivers along her spine.

Not the time, Ralph. You’re dead. He’s not. One can’t even classify that under long-distance romance. Knock it off and focus.

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