Page 38 of David's Chase

“Coming right up.”

She pulls away, heading to the bar, while I relax in the velvet armchair.

The lobby is relatively empty.

People have dinner or nurse their drinks at the bar. A few late guests check in with the receptionist, but other than that, nothing out of the ordinary happens.

My drink arrives, and I take a sip before pinning my gaze on the wall of glass in front of me.

Somewhere behind that wall New York City vibrates with life, and good and bad blend into life stories.

I remember when I started to travel to New York with business and found it fascinating. Millions of people going about their lives every day, and the smidgen of reprieve experienced in the few pockets of solitude in the evenings.

At a bar, in a restaurant, or in a hotel room.

Working away from home felt like having a double life. In all respects, I was leading a double life, and I wasn’t proud of myself.

It was a necessity before I started to like it.

I found so much peace in a lonely dinner, the body of a stranger, and waking up in an impersonal hotel room alone.

I had money. I had power. And a ton of grief to live through while letting it consume me.

Even back then, I knew I’d made a mistake.

I knew I should’ve done things differently and not rushed into a marriage out of revenge or anger.

It made no sense, especially since, in the end, my heart was still broken, and my life was still empty.

The path I was on was still paved with pain.

I’d known nothing back when my life had blown up, and my reaction was on par with how fast my existence had unraveled.

I hurt so bad, the force twisting and charring my insides pushing me forward at a dizzying speed, making me disregard the consequences.

Oh… The bittersweet times of the early days when you expect life to be fair and trust and loyalty to last a lifetime.

There was so much to be learned, but knowledge came too late.

Eventually, things came full circle, and at that point, divorce became inevitable.

Things hadn’t worked between us for some time, but my then wife was very much like me.

She wanted a good deal and she hated losing.

Neither of us was ready to make amends.

And we still have a bitter taste in our mouths from our shared experience.

Making money the most important factor in our marital union only made things worse.

I’m glad it’s all behind us.

My marriage was akin to serving time, and in a sense, that’s exactly what it was.

There was a price to pay for not being able to process my pain any other way and being on a path of self-destruction.

‘Stay away from people who hurt,’my mother used to say. ‘They inflict the worst pain onto others.’

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