Page 44 of Ashton

I pull into the parking lot of the nearest liquor store. It’s time to buy my best friend, Jack. He never does me wrong. The cashier side-eyes me the entire time I’m in the store. Don’t blame him; if he knew what I was planning, I would be watching me, too.

“Rough day?” He asks, bagging my bottle.

“Something like that.” I hand him a twenty.

He hands me the bag, and he doesn’t let go when I reach for it. “Remember, kid, the sun still shines even on your darkest days. You just have to figure out who that sun is.”

Jinx flashes in my mind; she is my sun. But right now, it’s too dark to see any brightness.

“Thanks.” I rip the bag from his hand and head out. After this bottle, the only thing I’ll see is the inside of a toilet or maybe a fuckin ditch if I’m lucky enough. I’m hoping for something permanent. I don’t even wait to get in the car before cracking the bottle open.

Iwelcome the burn of the first taste. The last is my favorite, by then, I can’t remember why I started drinking, but by then, it doesn’t matter. The mind is a clouded mess, and that’s the end goal. My phone rings again, and you would think they would get the message. Without looking at it, I toss it into the glove box.

The sun is setting, and I’m still breathing.

I roll the window down and throw the empty bottle out. That idea didn’t work. All my pills are in my dorm. If I want those, I’ll have to sneak back in. The odds that one of the twins isn’t in my room will be slim. It’ll be worth it. At this point, I don’t even care.

Why can’t I just succeed at one thing in my life? My phone stopped ringing hours ago, they gave up on me again. I’m not even good enough to keep trying to get a hold of. The school comes into view, and my heart sinks. I don’t want to be here anymore. I should’ve stayed in Grovedale; that’s where trash belongs. I park the car, and I’m surprised I don’t have any babysitters waiting for me. I take the first step out, and the world tilts.

Maybe Jacky Boy did do his job after all.

Catching myself with the door, I chuckle to myself. It’s a long walk to Darrow Hall if I even make it. And these woodsgive me the creeps, I swear something, or someone, is watching me. Maybe it’s a wolf, and they can eat me. I’ll be their Little Red Riding Hood. Fuck I must be wasted if I wanna turn into little red.

I need those pills and more booze. The closer I get to the dorms, the louder it becomes. Can’t anyone stay in, this school doesn’t have a fascinating nightlife. By the time I reach the back doors, I contemplate passing out on the steps. Walking up four flights seems like a lot of energy. Maybe I’ll slip and break my neck.

With a groan, I slowly make my way to my room. I’m surprised my phone hasn’t rung again. Speaking of my phone. I pat down my pockets but don’t feel it, guess I left it in the car. Oh well. My head spins the more steps I take, and I can’t even remember what floor I’m on.

“Maddox? What the fuck. We’ve been looking for you for hours,” Ashton demeaned, staring at me from the top of the stairs.

I wave him off and stumble. “Leave me alone.” I push past him, but his hand clamps down on my shoulder.

“Talk to me, goose. What’s going on?”

“She fuckin’ left me, Ashton. She straight up lied to me. How can I ever trust her again?” I take a deep breath, trying not to lose it on him. It’s not his fault.

“Let me help you. I’m surprised you made it up those stairs. What the hell were you thinking?”

I spread my arms wide. “I was thinking about killing myself, but here we are.” I brush him off and keep walking.

“Maddox!” he yells.

I flip him the middle finger. He’ll follow me, anyway. Now that he knows what I tried doing, he won’t leave me alone. It’s how our relationship goes; I’m selfish, and he picks up after me. I hope one day he learns just to leave me alone.

“Maddox, wait. Don’t go in there.”

I opened my door and immediately regretted it. I’m not drunk enough for this.

“Don’t even think about leaving, Maddox Van Doren. Get your drunk ass inside now.” You couldn’t miss the disappointment in Atticus’s voice.

“What, Atticus? I have nothing to say. Let me pass out before you start lecturing me.” I grit my teeth, and my head is beginning to pound. I can’t deal with this shit.

I make it to my room, flick on the light, and curled up in my bed is Jinx. If this was supposed to be an intervention, it sucks. I kick my shoes off, not giving a shit where they land. When I get near the bed, I tug my T-shirt off and toss it behind me. I pull the covers away slowly and slip in next to Jinx. She rolls over and wraps her arm around my stomach, sliding closer to me.

“I missed you today. Sorry about ditching you. I needed to talk to Spence. Forgive me?” her voice drifted back to sleep.

As usual, I flew off the handle. I’m sure half the phone calls were from Jinx. The last thing I remember is the lights going dark and my mind going blank. Sleep found me before my demons did.

A light sensation down my chest causes me to stir awake. Without thinking, I pull Jinx flush against my chest. Her soft curves melt against me, and I breathe in her coconut scent. Having her here calms me, making yesterday seem like years ago. And making me realize I was a giant fuckin’ douche.

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