Page 40 of Knotted Laces

I just…

Fuckingcan’t.

She leans closer and her palm settles against my cheek, and all of a sudden the tension leeches out of the room. I almost sag into my chair but then she rounds the table, shoves her way between me and the old oak surface, and wraps her arms around me.

I don’t breathe—or maybe Ican’tbreathe as she hugs me tight.

It’s right.

Perfect—just like the last time.

Lithe muscles and womanly curves. Jasmine and vanilla in my nose, along with hints of chocolate and spice from the candyshe shared and the dinner I made. Strong arms wrapped around my middle.

Not a gentle, weak-armed hug.

But…more.

Athena’s warrior strength and gentle heart on full display as she steps back and drops her hand on my shoulder, pushes me down into my chair. She sits down in the chair next to mine and orders, “Tell me.”

And…for the first time since I got the news, I crack.

“It was nothing,” I say softly. “Or Ithoughtit was nothing. I blocked a shot—it hurt—” I shake my head. “They always hurt. But this was straight in the—” I swallow and glance down.

Her eyes flick down, following mine, and then come back up. “It was worse this time?”

I remember the pain—it was fucking excruciating, but, “We’re used to pushing through the hurt. That’s our job. Our reality. It’s just…by the time I realized this was something much worse, it was too late to do anything.”

“Cam,” she whispers.

“The doctor called it torsion. Usually it’s only one testicle, but the shot hit in such a way that I was the lucky recipient of it happening to both. Surgery relieved the pain, but the damage was done and—” My eyes burn. “Well, my last test showed that the damage is permanent. I’m sterile.”

I fucking hate that word.

Her hand finds mine. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

“It was unlucky,” I say. “A shit situation and there’s no fixing it”—and I’ve exploredalloptions—“so there’s no point in being upset that I can’t create a family.”

Her words are beyond gentle when she says, “But there’s more than one way to make a family. You guys taught me that.”

“I know.”

I fuckingknow.

And I agree—how could I have the upbringing I had andnotagree? “And I know I’m a selfish prick to even think otherwise. But…” I shake my head because I don’t know how to verbalize what exactly has been eating me up inside.

Logic tells me I should be fine.

I’m healthy now. Not in pain. I’m perfectlyfine. My dick works. Sex is still great. But more importantly, I have people who love me, a stable job, and a great family.

I just can’t make kids.

Big fucking deal.

Most bachelors would find that a dream come true.

Fuck whoever I want, whenever I want, and I don’t have to worry about a string of baby mamas?

Fucking golden.

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