Page 96 of Knotted Laces

I just…well, I can’t stop thinking that I should have made him stay, should have made him see, made him understand just how much I love him?—

Buzz-buzz.

“Ugh,” I groan, knowing that, sooner or later, the whole space thing is going to end—whether it’s because he comes to his senses or because I run out of patience and end up smacking some of that sense into him, I don’t know.

I just…

Can’t exist in this limbo any longer.

But…Icangive him some more time.

Notmuchmore. But…more.

Buzz-buzz.

Sighing, I flip my phone over, know what I’m going to see on the screen—or some variation of it—even before my eyes trace over the words.

And yup.

My mom wants money.

I type out my normal response, offering food or to pay for a hotel room or to set her up in rehab, but this time, when I go to send it…I hesitate.

Hit the backspace button.

What has she done for me?

Martha’s cinnamon rolls and wonderful hugs. Cam’s gentle hands and teasing words. Lex’s unwavering support. Chrissy’s smiles. Rory’s shoulder bumps. Cookie nuzzling my face when the tears threatened to come.

Theydeserve my time, my energy.

My love.

But my mom?

Why do I keep doing this?

Buzz-buzz.

I look…and see more vitriol, more hatred, more…

NotJackson.

And…I’m tired. Done.

“Enough,” I whisper, tapping at that button until I delete the entire reply.

But that’s not enough.

Not when it’s making me feel like this.

So, I hold my breath as I tap the screen and…block her.

Yes she’s my mother. Yes, she provided half of my DNA.

Yes, I have this yearning need to protect people. Full stop.

Even those I don’t like. Even those the rest of the world doesn’t see the value in.

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