Page 17 of Knotted Laces

I frown.

“Idon’tknow that.”

“Lex.”

“But Idoknow that you’re too fucking scared to step out from behind those icy walls you erected around yourself.”

Ouch.

I mean, he’s not wrong, but?—

Ouch.

“I love you, Ats,” he said and that hurts too, albeit in a completely different way. “But I don’t get what you’re doing with your life.”

I try on anger because I can’t handle all the rest of it. Too many emotions. Too many feelings. Too much risk of the ice around my insides melting. “It’s none of your business what I do with my fucking life.”

He exhales, disappointment in his eyes. “That’s what you don’t get.”

“What?”

“You’re family,” he says, pulling me into a hug and, hell, the man gives good hug. “You’ll understand what that really means at some point.” He sighs and drops his arms. “I just hope you’ll finally see what’s in front of your face before it’s too late.”

That ricochets through my head, stealing my words, my thoughts?—

Or maybedirectingthem.

Toward someone I can’t think about.

Not that way.

Not now.

Notever.

He steps back when I don’t say anything.

He just doesn’t knowIcan’t say anything.

“I’ll text you when we’re all settled back in Stoneybrook.”

“Okay,” I whisper, his words jumbling my thoughts, his hug an acute reminder of all I’m missing. “Safe flight.”

A nod, and he’s gone.

You’re family.

You’ll understand what that really means at some point.

I just hope you’ll finally see what’s in front of your face before it’s too late

He doesn’t get it.

Idounderstand. I lived the opposite for long enough to know exactly how precious good family is.

Just like I lived long enough to know that it’s not something I can ever have.

Lex textsme later that day, telling me everyone has arrived safe, and as much as I wanted to avoid the contact and pull back I don’t.

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