Page 44 of The Fall

“Want to wrestle?”

“You know it. How ’bout me and Sergei against you and Sam?”

“No!” Tate wails. “That’s not fair!”

Rowan moves quickly, bending to pick Tate up with an arm between his legs. He puts Tate over his shoulders effortlessly,like he’s a bath towel. Tate’s legs hang down onto one side of his chest and his arms hang down onto the other.

When Rowan takes off running toward the stairs, Tate’s happy laughter makes me smile. I’m trying to be in the moment this Thanksgiving, but it’s been hard. Today is the last day Jake will be in prison. Tonight is the last night I won’t have to worry about him waiting for me outside my house or even trying to break in.

“He’s really good with the boys,” Tess says.

She’s next to me, chopping celery and onions while wearing an apron that says,The Last Time I Cooked Hardly Anyone Got Sick.

“He is.”

Rowan asked me when he arrived a few minutes ago if we could talk alone later. I wanted to ask him if we could talk immediately, but I can’t ditch Tess on the meal prep. We’ve exchanged a few texts since he left my house upset, but I haven’t pushed him to talk.

It was all I could do not to throw my arms around him when he walked into the kitchen and met my eyes earlier, though. I could tell when he said what he did about his dad that he wished he could take it back. He almost looked ashamed.

My emotions have been all over the place since that night. I’m worried about Jake getting out of prison and angry at myself for judging Rowan so harshly before. I just assumed he wanted to stay unattached and keep his options open, but his fear of love and commitment is real. Hearing the pain in his voice as he talked about his dad broke my heart.

He lost both his parents when he was still a kid. He still needed love and nurturing and he had to grieve their loss alone, without family to support him. I should have known when he told me before how his dad died--and why--that it was part of why he’s afraid to fall in love.

I wanted him to stay so badly. Every time I’ve been in my bed since that night, I’ve thought about him being there. It’s probably my imagination, but when I close my eyes, I can smell his leather-and-pine scent on my comforter.

“Cam.” Tess shoves my shoulder, snapping me out of my daze.

“What? Sorry.”

“Can you put all the stuffing ingredients into the Crock-Pot?”

“Sure.”

Stella comes into the kitchen then, giving me a welcome distraction from my mood.

“I come bearing gifts.”

She sets two bottles of wine on the kitchen island and her husband Ben follows behind her, a casserole dish in his hands.

“I’m so glad you guys could come,” Tess says, hugging them both.

“We’ll see plenty of our families when we go home for Christmas.”

“Sometimes too much,” Ben says as he grabs a piece of cheese from my tray.

I hug them both and Tess puts Stella to work peeling potatoes.

“I’ll help,” Ben offers.

Stella gives him a look. “This is girl time. Go watch football with the boys.”

“If you insist.” He gives her a quick kiss, gazing warmly at her.

When he’s out of the room, I give her an expectant look, remembering our conversation from the Halloween party about them trying to get pregnant.

“Not yet,” she says softly.

Tess looks back and forth between us. “Did I miss something?”

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