Page 32 of The Fall

I still had several nursing tank tops that Tess wore when she was pregnant and passed on to me when I was, so I gave them to Tom after Jeannie had the triplets.

“I’m glad she likes them.”

He glances at his watch and stands up. “Time to slam an energy drink and get to court.”

“Good luck.”

“Lacey’s going to be there with me. I told her to pinch me really hard if I start falling asleep.”

Lacey is his paralegal, and she’s got a mean streak. I imagine she’s hoping she’ll get to pinch him. I can’t help smiling as I picture it.

“Power through,” I tell him as I leave the room.

I could use an early afternoon jolt of caffeine myself, but I resist the urge, filling up my water bottle instead. I’m already having trouble sleeping at night, so no caffeine after 10:00 a.m. for me.

When I’m lying awake at night, staring at the dark ceiling, I replay Rowan telling me he loves Sam and Tate. He meant it in the way people say they love a song or a menu item from Taco Bell. Notlovelove. Not what I meant when I said I love hard.

And that’s all I’ll take for me and my boys. It’s either the full-throated, messy, sometimes difficult but always worth it kind of love--or nothing. No more half measures. No more men who are all talk.

“Cam!” I’m walking from the water cooler back to my desk when Lila calls my name from her desk.

I turn around and return to the petite administrative assistant’s desk. She blows her dark bangs up and out of her eyes, looking frazzled.

“Can you grab these deliveries? I can’t leave the desk because there’s no one here to cover me.”

She gets up from her chair and turns to the counter-height wood credenza behind her desk. My lips part when she picks up a vase with two dozen beautiful red roses and sets it down in front of me.

“You’re popular.” She smiles and sets down something else.

The white paper wrapping is long and shaped like a cone. I furrow my brow, wondering what’s inside. I’m about to pick up both items when I stop and look at Lila.

“Did you get to take a lunch break?”

She puts up a finger and picks up the phone. “McGill, Harcourt and Weiss, can you hold, please?”

Pushing a button on the phone, she exhales heavily. “No. Megan is out sick, so I’m a one-woman show today.”

I have a busy afternoon lined up, but the thought that Lila won’t get to eat or even take a bathroom break doesn’t sit right with me.

“I’ll cover you,” I offer. “Is thirty minutes enough?”

Her eyes widen. “That would be amazing. I only need like ten or fifteen minutes. I just need to pee, eat my sandwich and refill my water bottle.”

I walk around to her side of the desk. “Go. I’ve got this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

She gives me a quick hug. “Thank you so much, Cam. I really appreciate it.”

I find out over the next ten minutes that the firm’s phone basically never stops ringing. Between answering, putting callers on hold, taking messages and talking to people I put on hold, I don’t have a moment of downtime.

Which is unfortunate because I’ve been staring at my two deliveries, dying for a free moment to read the card on the flowers and see what’s inside the white paper.

“Okay,” Lila says, shuffle-running back to the front desk in her heels. “So much better. Thanks again.”

“McGill, Harcourt and Weiss, can you hold, please?” I say into the phone.

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