Page 31 of The Fall

She puts a palm out. “It’s okay. That’s what you’re used to. And I used to be used to it, too. But it’s not working for meanymore. I have to think of my boys and also...I just don’t want to be that girl anymore.”

“I respect that. We can wait as long as you want to. And you know I love Sam and Tate, Cam. Why would you think not dating me is best for them?”

Her eyes soften. “Because it’s the truth. Dom and the teammates who are over here a lot, like you and Sergei, are the only good male role models my boys have. And that--” Her eyes flood with tears and she clears her throat. “That matters a lot to me. Them having that stability means more to me than how attracted to you I am.”

I nod and look away, ashamed I still want to kiss the hell out of her, even after her emotional admission.

“If we didn’t work out, I’d never hate you,” I say. “We’d still--”

She shakes her head, tears still welling in her eyes. “I love hard, Rowan. I give men my entire heart, and it sabotages the rest of my life. I can’t do that anymore. I need to be sensible.”

I want to argue with her. Keep trying to sell her on giving me another chance. But I picture Sam, who’s always pushing up the glasses that seem too big for his little face, and Tate, with the mischievous grin and missing front tooth, and I deflate.

Even though I was sixteen when my mom died, I’ll never forget the enormity of the loss. Kids only have one mom. And I admire the hell out of Cam for putting her sons’ needs above her own wants.

She won’t meet my eyes now. It’s like she’s embarrassed that she admitted she’s all in when it comes to love. She shouldn’t be, though. I’m not that way, and it’s why I’m still alone and probably won’t ever get married and have kids.

“I need to go.” She lunges away from me and opens the laundry room door.

I lean my back against the wall, collecting my thoughts and giving her time to leave. It’s obvious she doesn’t want to see me right now.

Though I secretly hope that’s not true and she’ll be standing in the other room smiling and waiting to watch me and Tate wrestle. By the time I open the door and walk out of the laundry room, she and the boys are gone.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Cam

I hoped scarfingmy peanut butter protein bar in the break room instead of at my desk would make me feel like I took a lunch break today, but it didn’t. Working through lunch is necessary today so I can leave early enough to pick Sam up from his Cub Scouts meeting.

And really, lunch breaks aren’t going so well this week anyway. I’ve been spending most of my free time thinking about my conversation with Rowan a few days ago.

When I saw how jealous he was of Harrison and how hurt he was when I told him he was not a wise choice for me, I wanted to give in to my attraction to him. All I could think about was dropping the towel folding and asking him to kiss me.

That’s the old Cam, leading with my heart instead of my head.

“Did you catch the Coyotes game last night?”

The mention of Rowan’s team between Marco Hahn, an associate attorney at the firm, and Tom Caldera catches my attention.

“Yeah, I caught a few minutes of it,” Tom says.

“Griff Carrington’s a stud. Now we just need a defender who can get down the ice in less than five minutes.”

“What was the final score?”

“They lost 4-1. Most of our team looked like they just woke up. Fucking embarrassing.”

A surge of defensiveness rises in me. I want to stand up and tell Marco he has no idea what he’s talking about, even though I didn’t even watch the game. How would he like it if he was televised while working in his office, the whole world able to critique his every move? No allowances for a bad day. Never a mistake that wasn’t called out by people who couldn’t do this job no matter how hard they tried.

Dom would say that comes with playing at the highest level of the game, and Rowan would say the same thing. I still don’t like the way Marco talks about the players on the team like they’re not humans.

“How’s it going, Cam?” Tom asks me.

“Good. How are Jeannie and the kids?”

He’s back to looking like he hasn’t slept in days now that his in-laws went back home. He fell asleep during a staff meeting yesterday, but since we all know how sleep-deprived he is, no one woke him up.

“Hanging in there. Jeannie really loves those tops you sent. Thanks again.”

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