Page 18 of Single All the Way

I gazed down at my cookie, ran my finger over a large chunk of dried cherry. “I haven’t gone there with anyone since Blake died.”

The mood went somber in an instant, and I hated that.

“That’s understandable,” Hayden said, her voice teeming with compassion. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”

Attempting to lighten the mood a little, I said, “I’m doing okay. I’ll always miss my husband, but it was four years in September. I’ve done a lot of healing. Just…dating?” I cringed. “I don’t know how single moms manage that on top of kids.”

“That’d be tricky,” Chloe agreed. “I just have the one, and between her and work, my days are overfull. And that’s with Holden’s help.” She kissed the top of her daughter’s head.

“Single moms are badass bosses for sure,” Hayden said.

“That’s the truth.” Olivia leaned closer and lowered her voice. “But I just wanted to point out nobody but you mentioned anything aboutdating. You’ve got yourself a built-in way to take care of your lady needs. No dating required.”

I was taking a drink and nearly spit my water out.

“Lady needs are important,” Sierra said, grinning.

“Indeed,” Hayden said.

“You can take care of lady needs yourself, but I’m a big fan of getting help when there’s a suitable helper available.” Chloe bounced Sutton on her knee and winked.

After our laughs died down, I said, “When I get to that point, it will be weird.”

“Probably so,” Olivia said with an empathetic frown.

“So maybe that’s where your very fine host comes in,” Hayden said. “You trust him, right? He could help you get back on the bicycle. Friends-with-benefits scenario.”

Again with the traitorous mind flashes, this time to how Ben had looked last night in those low-slung sweatpants and the bicep-hugging shirt.

I shook my head, not letting the image get too vivid.

“I’m not ready, not with anyone but especially not with him. He’s my friend, and I don’t want to mess that up.”

That was only one of a dozen reasons I wouldn’t give in to the convenient circumstances with Ben, but it was a big one.

“I understand that,” Chloe said. “Holden and I went through that. I was terrified to lose his friendship.”

“But look how well it worked out,” Hayden said, turning her attention to Sutton. “We’re happy it did, aren’t we, sweet pea?”

The little girl gave her aunt a big grin.

“We just want you to be happy,” Hayden said. “Whatever it takes to get there. Sorry if we’re pushing.”

“It’s okay,” I said, meaning it.

These women were some of my best friends in the world. I’d made close friends on the base when we’d lived there, but I’d lost touch with most of them since I moved home to Dragonfly Lake. The girls I’d known since childhood were still here and had welcomed me back into the fold.

I knew what Hayden said was true. They did want me to be happy. They couldn’t help it if they were overzealously championing something I couldn’t let happen.

As much as I longed for a parenting partner when life or the kids got tricky, I knew better. Life had taught me loud and clear that I needed to be self-sufficient and able to handle it all on my own. Better to do that than to depend on someone, then lose them.

ChapterSix

Ben

My commute from the office was my sanity time, if there was such a thing for a single dad.

The quarter-of-a-mile walk from my clinic to my front door was an opportunity to transition from the fast-paced chaos of my thriving veterinary practice to the chaos of home. It was five minutes of serenity, five minutes of relative quiet in the countryside. A chance to breathe.

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