Page 84 of Single All the Way

I backed out and drove on autopilot to Ben’s, my mind churning, compelling my heart to speak up and tell it what the hell was holding it back from jumping on this.

Was it nerves over buying my first house? Fear about the financial commitment? The house was in my budget. I’d gone over the monthly payments multiple times. I could handle the mortgage.

I turned into the driveway on Ben’s property and noticed the clinic was already dark. They must’ve closed early since tomorrow was Christmas Eve. Continuing down the lane toward the house and barn, I checked for the horses and llamas in the pasture, but they appeared to be inside for the night.

I turned left into the drive next to the house, and a strong wave of something rolled through me. I braked, closed my eyes, deciphered it.

Comfort. Peace. Familiarity.

Home.

I’d stopped the car a long way from the garage. I wasn’t staying here anymore. This was where visitors parked.

And still the feeling undeniably washed over me, filled me with warmth.

Warmth that I hadn’t felt in the driveway of the perfect little house.

I whipped my head toward Ben’s home and peered at the kitchen window. There was Ben, as if an invisible force had drawn me to look at him.

The sensation deepened as I took in his handsome face, attention focused on the sink in front of the window. He was talking to someone I couldn’t see. Laughing. I could hear that laugh in my head. I could feel the way he’d made me feel when we were cooking a meal together or getting the kids organized for school or playing a family board game. Everyday moments that were secure, companionable, safe, comfortable because we were side by side.

Watching him from out here filled me with contentedness but also longing. I wanted to be inside that warm, love-filled house with him, talking about nothing important, listening to the kids chatter or bicker, smelling whatever Berty had simmering on the stove.

“No,” I whispered as tears filled my eyes.

I turned away and pressed my hands to my face, wiping the tears away as the truth settled in my head and my heart.

I’d fallen in love with Ben. And that scared me to the depths of my soul.

With my heart thundering, hands shaking, I had to get away. Needed to be alone.

I backed out of his line of sight and drove partway down the drive toward the clinic so he wouldn’t look out and see me. Then I took my phone out and sent him a message, too shaky to call.

I have a huge favor to ask. I looked at a house, and it was kind of perfect. I need to sort things out in my head. Could you possibly keep the kids for a couple more hours? I’ll return the favor.

Three minutes passed before I saw signs he was typing—I knew because I watched the clock on the dash, feeling more desperate to run away with every minute that ticked by.

They just started a game of Monopoly. Why don’t they spend the night here? Would that help?

I cried harder because here he was again, being amazing even when I was anything but.

Yes. Thank you, Ben.

Good luck with your decision.

I could barely see through the tears as I reached the road. I stopped and tried to staunch the flow.

I’d gotten myself into a mess. I’d gone against my own rules. Now it was up to me to figure out how the hell to move forward.

ChapterTwenty-Four

Emerson

If I was going to make huge life decisions, I needed food first.

I drove back into town and parked as close to Humble’s as I could get. Their pizza was something besides orgasms that Ben had gotten me addicted to.

Since I hadn’t called in advance, I went to the counter and placed my order, then stepped back to wait.

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