Page 71 of Single All the Way

I traced my finger over her jawline and looked into her eyes, just able to see them gazing back at me affectionately.

“It’s been a while since I told you how incredible you are. Beautiful…” I kissed her. “Sexy.” Another kiss. “Irresistible.” And another.

She let out a drowsy, satisfied laugh. “You already had your way with me. I thought sweet talk was supposed to come before?”

“It’s not sweet talk. Just the truth.” I propped myself up on my elbow, becoming more serious as I weighed the right way to say this. “Ems…” I found her hand and wove our fingers together. “I know you’re moving out in a few weeks. I know this is casual. No strings. No commitments. I just need to level with you about something.”

“Okay.” She drew the word out as if scared of what I was about to say.

I took a slow, silent inhalation, hoping this wouldn’t be the wrong move. Giving myself every chance to come to my senses and let it be.

I couldn’t letthisbe. I needed to speak my truth.

“My feelings… They’re deeper.”

“Oh…”

“I love you, Emerson. I’m in love with you. I know that wasn’t our agreement,” I rushed to say. “I’m not asking you to change anything, not trying to pressure you. I’m not asking you to stay forever, although if you said you wanted to, I’d be the happiest man in the world.”

“I can’t?—”

“Please,” I whispered. “You don’t have to say it. I know where you stand. I respect that completely.”

Had I hoped maybe she’d laugh in relief and say she loved me too? Maybe a little part of me, but I knew. She’d been honest. This was me being honest.

“I’m not asking you for anything at all, except…I hope this doesn’t scare you away from our nighttime trysts.”

“Trysts,” she repeated, and I could hear the smile in her tone. Thank God. “That’s such an evocative word.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“I like it.” She let go of my hand and burrowed her fingers into my hair. “The word and our trysts. Our no-obligation trysts,” she said meaningfully. “That’s all I can manage, Ben.”

“I know.” I took her hand and pulled it to my lips, kissed it, then held on to it. “I understand your fear of getting in too deep. You know I do. I’m not asking you to change. It just felt…wrong not to tell you how I feel about you. Full disclosure.”

I pressed my forehead to hers, relieved she didn’t pull away.

“There’s zero pressure,” I repeated. “Just know that if you ever change your mind, if you ever want more…” I pulled my head back to look her in the eyes again. “I’m here. I’m so fucking here.”

Her eyes fluttered closed, and her lips tipped up at the corners in a smile. I exhaled, relieved she didn’t seem too spooked.

“Thank you,” she said. “For being honest. And even more, for understanding.”

“You’re not going to be scared off?”

“I’m not scared of you,” she said lightly. “And I’m not dumb enough to deprive myself of another few weeks of mind-blowingtrystseither. As long as we’re open with each other, as long as you really have no expectations beyond that…”

“I don’t.”

Maybe it was wrong of me to hope for more, to wonder how I could get her to let go of her fears and give herself over to loving me. Maybe I was the dumbest man alive. But I was pretty sure I was having better sex than ninety-eight percent of the population, and for now that would have to be good enough.

“Thanks for not running away,” I said.

She kissed me, which reassured me we were okay.

“Iamrunning away,” she said. “Bathroom. I’m sorry.”

I nodded, knowing this was it for tonight. She always went to her room after making what she called the long trek to the bathroom from my bedroom.

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