Page 51 of Single All the Way

Yeah, those needs…

With an ache still thrumming deep in my core, my thoughts went to Olivia’s suggestion of letting Ben help me get back on the bike, so to speak. I was dying to ride that bike, or rather, Ben. The question was, did I have the nerve to ask for it?

“I did say that, didn’t I?” I said.

His answer was an affirming grunt.

I nodded, searching for the right words. “What if I said I wanted that and more to happen too?”

He swung his head to look at me from the side.

“Sort of,” I added.

“Sort of?”

I ran my tongue over the inside of my tender lower lip, then raised my hand, palm up, urging him to take it. He pressed his palm to mine but didn’t grasp it, so I wove our fingers together and lowered our entwined hands, then turned toward him.

“I don’t want a serious relationship with anyone,” I said. “Ever.”

“Never?”

I shook my head. “I can’t do it again. I can’t… I can’t lose somebody else the way I’ve lost Blake, my mom, my grandma.” Years-old grief bubbled up in my throat and threatened to take my breath. I fought it down, focused on the man in front of me. “It hurts too much.”

“Losing someone’s fucking hard.” His voice was low but laced with conviction, leaving me no doubt that he’d suffered gravely when his wife died. Not that I’d had any question.

“I’m not up for it.”

He raised our joined hands and brushed his lips over the back of mine. “You’ve lost the three people you loved most.”

I swallowed and nodded, shutting down on the pain again before it could seep in because I didn’t have the energy for it…and I didn’t want it to ruin the evening. I had hopes it could go in a different direction.

Ben unlaced our fingers to slide his arm around my waist, pulled me into his side, and kissed the top of my head like a supportive, caring friend. I appreciated the hell out of that, but it wasn’t what my body was thrumming with need for.

I inhaled a courage-steeling breath, then turned to face him.

“The thing is, I haven’t been with a man in four years.” I lifted my chin and tentatively sought eye contact. As soon as our gazes connected, my courage sparked, or maybe it was raw need driving everything. “I miss sex.”

I stopped breathing. Ben swallowed as he peered down at me, his pupils enlarging.

Before he could answer, I rushed on. “I’m not to the point where I could go out for a one-night stand, but I trust you, Ben. And it seems like we’re physically compatible.”

He let out a low rumble of a chuckle. “And you miss sex.”

“Maybe you have someone already,” I said as soon as the possibility occurred to me. Oh, God. What if he had someone else on the side?

His laugh was heartier this time. “Surely you know me better than that, Emerson.”

I let out my breath. “I don’t know. Maybe you have a whole team ofspecial friends, and you told them things were on hold while you had house guests.” I couldn’t help a wide grin.

“Like a different lady for each night of the week?” he teased back.

“Sure. For all I know, you meet them in the barn and roll around in the hay after the creatures are fed.”

He laughed wholeheartedly and pulled me into him, then sobered. “No. I don’t have any fuck buddies who meet me in the barn or anywhere else.”

Thank God.

“So you want to be friends with benefits? Is that what you’re proposing?” he asked.

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