Page 18 of The Try Line

"You're right. I'm not. That shit was hilarious."

We both crack up again, and then I realize I'm leaning into him, and he has his hand on my shoulder. Sure, we're just laughing, but we can't just slip right back into how we used to be. If I stay this close to him, I'll do something terrible. Like bury my nose in his neck and huff his scent so I can pull out everything familiar and name everything that isn’t. Or lick the sweat from his temple. Or kiss him. Bite him. Mark him.

I clear my throat and step back. Mik shakes his head and runs a hand through his short hair. I miss when it was long and messy.

"Iamsorry," I start sincerely. "About yesterday. I was out of line."

He doesn't make eye contact, but he nods. "Me too."

"We're all adults, and that was a long time ago. For the sake of all of them, we need to finda way to be…"

"Friends?"

"Brothers," I correct. Because that's what we are, legally. Brothers-in-law, at least.

Neither of us would ever do anything to hurt Janel. I knew it back when it took him six months to break up with her because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. I knew it the moment she blurted the words that changed all our lives. And now, even more than all that, neither of us would ever want to break up this family. I might not have talked to Mik in eighteen years, but I talk to his son, and I know what an amazing father he is. He’d do anything, sacrifice everything, for Jase. And so would I. I can pull myself together for the sake of Jase.

He nods, and I hold out my hand. I ignore the electricity that buzzes up my arm when he slides his palm against mine, or the way his strong grip makes my stomach flip. I give his hand a curt shake, then pull back as everyone else files out of the restaurant.

This is just how it has to be.

CHAPTER 8

MIK

Janel leans into me, and I wipe the tears from my eyes as Jase finishes his speech by talking about how grateful he is to have had good role models in his life. He mentions his grandparents, who worked themselves out of poverty. His grandfather, who was a first-generation immigrant to this country. His uncle, who is not afraid to be his authentic self in the public eye. And his parents, who worked hard and made sacrifices to give him every opportunity to get to where he is now.

There isn't a dry eye in the auditorium, and I'm the first on my feet for a standing ovation as he steps away from the podium.

I'm so fucking proud of him.

It feels like yesterday I was standing in this same auditorium, waiting for them to call my name. Jason was right next to me. He was supposed to be three seats down from me, since we were seated alphabetically, but we bribed the guy who was supposed to sit there and promised they'd switch back when it was time to walk. We'd whispered and giggled through the boring ceremony and then waited for each other before we went out to greet our families. I had my whole life ahead of me, but I had no direction. I had noidea what I wanted to do with my life aside from staying close to Jason. Jesus, I was pathetic. A year later, we watched Janel walk across that same stage, and then less than a year after that, she found out she was pregnant.

My father told me I'd ruined my life. And at the time, I agreed. I was catatonic that first day, too stunned to do more than pull on a pair of sweatpants before pulling Janel into a hug. My mind worked overtime, trying to figure out how I was going to balance my relationship with her brother while being the father of her child, but Jason made that decision for me. He walked in and saw me, sitting on the edge of the bed with his crying sister in my arms. We'd locked eyes, and it was the first time I spoke. My words were spoken into the top of Janel’s head. Words meant to soothe her, but mostly, I was talking to him. I told them we'd figure it out. That it would all be okay.

But it wasn’t okay, and it never would be again. Because the next day, he was gone. He didn't answer my calls or respond to my texts. We found out through Janel's parents that Jason had accepted a position on a foreign rugby team, right before Janel's father sat me down for a long speech about doing the right thing.

To this day, I don't know if it was the right thing, marrying her and moving on like nothing had happened. But I do know that Jase didn't ruin my life. If anything, he gave it direction and purpose. And maybe the love of my life is sitting in the row behind me instead of standing next to me, beaming and wiping away tears as we cheer on the unexpected miracle we made. But even my broken heart was worth it to bring such an incredible young man into the world. There's nothing about my son that I could ever regret.

After the ceremony, we do the young and cool parents’ thing and let Jase throw a party in our basement. The door to my office is locked,and my box of shame is safely hidden away. I'm sure the kids will sneak in some booze, and it won't be the first time I've smelled pot in the backyard, but as long as no one drives or gets knocked up, why not let them enjoy their night? They’ll be making their own choices, unsupervised, within a few weeks.

If anything, Jase has been over-educated about safe sex, so I'm not too worried about him in that respect. He's heard all about the intricacies of how birth control can fail. His mother had been taking antibiotics for a sinus infection around the time that he was conceived, and we're pretty sure that's why the pill failed us. Normally we used condoms, too. In fact, the night she snuck into my room after I’d tried to breakup with her was the only time we'd ever gone without.

Jase has gotten the ‘it only takes once’ lecture so many times he's started interrupting us to quote the next line. He's so tired of hearing it, he might never have children just to prove he's heard it enough. Even Janel's parents harp on him about it. I'll never forget the day Jase announced to us that he wishes he were gay, so he wouldn't have to listen to ‘the talk’ anymore. Just for the fun of it, Janel got Jason on the phone so he could chime in about the merits of safe sex in all situations, because an unplanned pregnancy isn’t the only outcome of unsafe sex.

I remember that call implicitly because all I could think about was the only other time I’d ever had unprotected sex. With him.

Janel takes a glass of wine and a pair of headphones upstairs, wishing us luck with supervising the madness. We're really only here for emergencies and to mitigate any damage, so there's not much for us to do other than hang around. Jason and I awkwardly sit on opposite ends of the couch, watching sports highlights while the heavy bass reverberates through the floor below us.

Nothing on the screen is penetrating my brain. My awareness is firmly on him. Whenever I cut my eyes towards him, his eyes areon the television screen. There’s zero indication that being a mere four feet from me affects him at all.

But he’s affecting me. My skin tingles, and my cock is painfully hard. I'm sitting with my legs crossed and holding an empty mug in my lap to hide it.

"I think the Panthers might take it all the way this season," Jason says suddenly. His deep voice takes me by surprise, and I find myself staring at him. Once my eyes are on him, I can't tear them away. I try to make conversation to cover up my awkwardness, but I know it isn't working.

"I think they just might," I agree. "The team's been looking good since they recruited Perry."

"I'm glad he's still doing well for us," he remarks, still not looking at me. "Jase said him coming out caused quite a stir around here."

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