Page 46 of The Try Line

As tempted as I am to run away, to avoid the inevitable heartache, I need to be strong for him right now.

"I don't want to lose you," he murmurs into my skin, sucking in a harsh breath.

My heart cracks in half, but what leaches out isn't sadness. It's the slightest amount of hope.

"I don't want to lose you, either," I tell him. Shifting, I cup his chin and bring our foreheads together. "If you're still in–"

"I'm still in," he quickly interjects. "If you still want me. I'm still in."

"I want you," I promise him. "I love you."

"I love you," he whispers back, a tear falling down his cheek. He's afraid, I know he is. I'm afraid, too.

"We'll figure this out together."

My mind fast forwards through all the scenarios that would come next. Going to our parents’ together. Holding hands and providing a unified front when our dad tries to force the marriage issue. Holding the love of my life while he cradles his newborn son in his arms. Working together to provide Jase with the best life possible, moving in next door to Janel so we can all be close. Helping coach Jase's sports teams, getting to be there for all his milestones. Supporting my sister through school and standing beside her when she marries the real man of her dreams. Having her there with us, holding Jase on her hip as Mik and I exchange vows.

For half my life, all I've considered is all the ways it could have gone wrong. I assumed the worst and prepared for it, but I never let myself hope for the best.

There's still a very high likelihood that it wouldn't have worked out like I'm imagining it now, but there's a chance, and that's something I never considered. Which means there's a chance that I ruined everything by being too afraid to hope.

Now that I've had a couple hours to stew on it, to really let it sink in, I realize that this is worse than believing I never had a chance.

Ignorance wasn't bliss by any means, but it hurt less than this.

CHAPTER 20

MIK

I'm angry.

More than angry. I'm fuming.

Not just because he took one of the most important choices of my life away from me and then blamed me for making a choice I never had a chance to make. But because we missed out on a lifetime together, because we were both so fucking ignorant. I want to go back in time and knock our nineteen-year-old heads together and scream at us to just fucking talk to each other.

A simple conversation could have solved all of this. But I was too busy internally panicking, and he was too busy running away, assuming the worst. Or was he assuming the best of me? Whichever it was, he was wrong. Because it was never even a question. I panicked more about what it meant for our relationship than the fact that I was going to have a fucking baby. Then again, at that point, Janel's pregnancy didn't feel like a tangible thing. It wasn't until I was holding my newborn son in my arms that it really sank in.

I was afraid that he would leave me, but I still had hope that we could be together. Never in a million years would Ihave chosen to give him up. It wasn't something I had to think about. The only thing that needed thought was the logistics of raising a baby with Janel while being with her brother.

My anger, self-doubt, and overthinking allowed Jason to slip away. Again. I assumed he'd have to pack, that after the bombshell we both just processed, that he would have learned to hold his goddamned horses.

When I come to my senses and run after him, not minutes after he walked up the stairs, he's gone. The bed in the guest room is made neatly, like no one was ever there. The only lingering proof of his presence is the scent of his cologne in the air.

I sprint from the guest room towards the stairs, passing Janel lingering in the hallway in her bathrobe. There's a pitying look on her face as she rasps, "He's already gone."

"W-Where did he go?" I stutter, panic clawing its way up my throat.

Not again. I can't do this again.

He can't fucking leave me again.

She shakes her head sadly. "I don't know. He texted me to say he was leaving earlier than planned. It's what woke me up, but the SUV was pulling away before I could do or say anything."

"Call him. Tell him–"

"I tried. He didn't answer."

"Fuck.FUCK!"

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