Page 67 of The Prince's Curse

I need him.

The last of his resolve crumbling, Haldric strode from the chamber, his steps quick with desperation. To the Void with his responsibilities. Right now, he needed Benjin, and he intended to find him.

His determination soon turned to confusion when that proved easier said than done. Benjin wasn’t in his quarters, and when he inquired of the passing servants, no one had seen him since their return. Growing worried, Haldric made his way to the Grand Magus’ tower. Perhaps Benjin had gone to deliver that parcel before retiring to rest?

His heart sank when he entered the lab and found only Grand Magus Dexil there. “Your Highness.” Dexil looked up sharply from whatever he’d been working on with evident surprise. “I expected you to be resting.”

“I wished to speak with Benjin first.” He swept his gaze hopefully about the room as though he might be able to will Benjin to appear by wishing for it hard enough. “Have you seen him since he left the king’s chambers?”

“I’m afraid I had an urgent mission for him,” Dexil said, his tone apologetic. “He’s already departed. It may be some time before he returns.”

Rejection stabbed Haldric to the core. Benjin had left just like that, without even waiting to say goodbye? “Very well. I’ll leave you to your work, then.”

Willing himself not to fall apart until he returned to his chambers, Haldric started for the door.

“Hold on, Your Highness,” Dexil called, making him pause. “Tell me what troubles you so?”

Haldric turned, raising an eyebrow. “Am I really so easy to read?”

Dexil fixed him with a kind smile. “I’ve known you since you were a boy, Your Highness. I should hope I would notice when you’re upset.”

Haldric hesitated, torn between his desire to leave or to confide in someone. But with Benjin gone and his father fighting for his life, who else was there to turn to except the Grand Magus?

Taking a deep breath, he let it all spill out. His frustration and fear. His despair and loneliness. His uncertainty over how to handle the governors, Duke Westley and Duchess Janelle each with their own agendas. His creeping worry that he’d never live up to his sister’s memory or his father’s legacy.

And he told Dexil about Benjin—about the feelings he’d developed for the apprentice and the threat they posed to any potential alliance with Khordan. About how he felt as if, no matter what he did, he was letting everyone down.

When he was finished, he felt utterly drained. He’d hoped that getting it all out would make him feel better, like excising the venom from a snake bite. Yet if anything, his doubts weighed only heavier on him now, each fresh admission another boulder set atop his shoulders, beating him down.

Dexil peered at him with such sympathy that tears brimmed in Haldric’s eyes. He held himself together through sheer force of will.

“The burden of rule is harsh indeed,” Dexil said. “I’m sorry at everything you’ve been forced to endure.”

Then, tell me,” Haldric pleaded, his voice desperate. “Tell me what I should do. You’ve ever been my greatest teacher, Dexil. Guide me now when I need your counsel the most.”

A strange look passed over Dexil’s face, something almost like regret. The Grand Magus bowed his head. “If I may speak frankly, Your Highness, if you are not wholly committed to your chosen course, perhaps it would be better for everyone if you stepped aside.”

“Step…aside?”

Haldric blinked, considering the notion. What a relief it would be to relinquish his right to rule. To give up that burden and allow someone else to carry it in his stead. The more he thought about it, however, the more impossible it seemed.

Eventually, he scoffed and shook his head. “Even if I wanted to, it would never work. My aunt and the other governors would always view me as an opportunity or a threat. They’d never leave me in peace. And to keep the throne only to sit idle upon it and refuse to rule properly would be even worse than failure.” A great sigh ripped from deep within him. “If only there was a way for me to…”

“To disappear?” Dexil suggested quietly.

Haldric nodded.

Dexil played with the rings on his fingers. “What if I had a…a path to offer you, Your Highness.”

Haldric furrowed his brow, his heart quickening. “What kind of path?”

“The kind you do not take lightly.” Returning to his workstation, Dexil rummaged about it before raising a scroll. “This spell would permanently alter your memories. I could grant you a new life far away from Revesole, abdicating the throne while leaving everyone else no choice but to honor your wishes. Once used, however, there’d be no going back. You’d never be able to return to the palace again.”

Permanent exile?The thought twisted Haldric’s stomach even as it filled him with intense relief. He’d be freed from the burden of the crown, able to make his own decisions and chart his own course. With no clear heir to continue the Demeroux line, it would fall to the Provincial Council to decide. The governors all seemed to have their own ideas for Ilthabard’s future anyway. Let someone who actuallywantedto rule figure things out in his stead. No doubt they’d do a better job of it. And Benjin…

The thought of leaving Benjin behind, of parting from him forever, tore at Haldric. Yet, what kind of future would they have if he stayed, always sneaking around behind Katalin’s back, never able to be together in the open? No, better for Benjin as well if Haldric simply disappeared. Better for everyone.

I’m sorry Benjin…but this is goodbye.

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