Page 37 of Utah

Sometimes, like now, I hated that Knox was so intuitive, but in order to convince him nothing happened, I relied on something he knew nothing about.

“This baby is already a handful,” I answered, lightly chuckling. “I didn’t feel that great tonight, that’s all.”

“All right. Well, let me know if you need anything.”

I could bitch about my brother’s overprotectiveness all day long, but at the end of the day, he loved me, as I did him. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

“I will. Thanks.”

“Talk later. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

My drive home allowed me time to think about what happened. Not about Will and how I was going to act around him the next time I saw him, but whether I should tell Utah about the kiss. After a lot of internal back-and-forth, I decided it was best for everyone, especially Utah, if he never found out about the incident. He’d break Will in half, and I didn’t want that on my conscience.

20

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Ria asked, her expression stoic as she attempted to hide her true emotions from me. But what wasn’t written on her face was prevalent in her defeated posture and in the way she fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt.

“A good idea? I’m sure it’s not, but I have to do this.”

“You don’thaveto do this. You want to.”

It was pointless to argue, as the result would be the same. I was going with some of the guys to Mexico. End of story.

After tucking my pills into the inner pocket of my cut, I tossed several items of clothing into a duffel bag. I had no idea how long we’d be gone or, for that matter,ifI was coming back. But I didn’t want to dwell on the possibility of the latter, so I redirected our conversation.

“When is your next doctor’s appointment?”

“In three weeks. Why?”

“Just want to make sure I make it to this one, that’s all.”

My grin felt forced, but I didn’t want her to know how nervous I was becoming the closer the time got for us to leave for our trip.

I wanted revenge for Crash’s murder. I craved it. But I had to be realistic. This meeting could be a setup. We didn’t know the extent, if any, of Rafael Carrillo’s involvement with what had gone down with the club over the past several months. The possibility that we were walking into a trap was high, and because we simply didn’t know, we had to be as prepared as possible. Which meant that while Prez, Marek, Stone, Brick, and I would be meeting with the head of the Los Zappas cartel, Hawke, Ace, Jagger, Tripp, Dax, and Miles would be close by in case something popped off and we needed assistance. The rest of the guys were to stay here in Laredo. Prez didn’t want to leave our clubhouse completely undefended in case the cartel wanted to send a message here at home.

We prepared for everything we could think of. The only thing that was out of our hands was if we were gunned down on the way to the meeting.

Ria stepped closer and placed her hand on my chest. “Are you sure you’re okay to go?”

I tapped my cut. “I have my pills for the pain.”

“That’s good, but I’m asking more about your mental state of mind. You just seem off lately.”

“Well, seeing someone get their head blown off will do that to a guy,” I snapped, zipping the bag and tossing it on my bed. She’d taken me to my place as I wasn’t cleared to drive yet. I wasn’t cleared to meet with a Mexican cartel, either, but that was another matter. “Sorry.” I reached into my cut and grabbed my pills, popping one in my mouth.

“Didn’t you just take one of those?”

“So?”

“I just don’t want you to—”

“Don’t worry about me.” I had no idea what the end of her sentence was going to be, but it didn’t matter. “What?” My patience had dwindled, but when Ria’s eyes welled with unshed tears, the last bit of irritation I’d held evaporated.When I reached for her, she stepped back, but my second attempt was successful. I pulled her into me, wrapping my arms around her. “I’ll be honest. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. But Prez wouldn’t lead us into an ambush.” The word I left out waswillingly. Semantics. “The president of the California charter has history with the guy we’re meeting. He saved his life a long time ago. I really don’t think anything bad will happen to us.”

“But what if it does?” she mumbled against my chest.

“Then it does.” I didn’t have it in me to sugarcoat my answer. “But let’s not think that. All I want you to be concerned with is our kid.” I tilted her head upward so I could see her lovely face. “Just focus on him.”

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