Page 67 of Utah

“Not in the typical sense, no.”

“Okay, he didn’t attack her.” He paused before asking, “She’s single, right?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” He raised his brow at me, a gesture I’d seen him do to his kid countless times when he wanted a certain answer. “That’s not an easy question.”

“It’s the easiest question there is. She’s either single or you two are together. Last I knew, you knocked her up but weren’t together. So, which is it?”

“Goddamn, man. What the fuck?” His response was to laugh as he tinkered around in the garage. I should’ve just walked out, but I didn’t. I stood there, waiting. Waiting for him to throw more questions at me. Waiting for me to release the buildup of uncertainty swirling around inside me. “We agreed to be together. We had plans on moving in. But this all just happened. So, when he kissed her, yes, she was single. Happy?”

Renner clasped my shoulder. “I don’t think anyone is happy with what happened. Not the guy you beat up. Not Ria. Certainly no one in the club. And least of all you. But know this, from the moment you guys started hooking up, Ria was your woman. Trust me, I get it. The second I laid eyes on Emmy, she was mine. It just took a bit to make it official, as itdid with you two. Would I have done the same thing you did and go after the guy? Possibly. But you did go a little overboard. I get it, though. You’ve been dealing with a lot. Crash.” He pointed toward my stomach. “Almost being killed. Then the meeting with the cartel. I’m sure you didn’t expect to walk out of there alive either.”

“I didn’t.”

“Give yourself a break. You fucked up. We all do it. Just don’t do it again.” The clank of a wrench hitting the steel tray startled me. “Now go make things right with Ria before you lose more time with her.”

“And you thank Emmy for me.”

“For what?”

I gestured in his direction. “This version is better.”

“I don’t take any offense to that.”

“You shouldn’t.” I turned to leave but stopped. There was something I wanted to ask him, and Renner would tell me the truth, no question. “Do you think I’m acting differently?”

“How so?”

“Grumpier?”

“You’re always grumpy.”

“But I mean more than usual.”

Renner scratched along his jaw, his facial hair looking a little wilder than usual. Normally, he kept his beard neat and trimmed.

“Maybe, yeah. It could be due to those pills, though. If you’re not used to taking heavy meds like that, they can fuck with your mood, even your brain chemistry. Make you react and do things you wouldn’t typically. It happened to my ex after the car accident. She never got ahold of it, and eventually she escalated to heroin. You don’t want that devil on your back. Believe me.”

All of us knew what he dealt with when it came to his ex, Maxine. After multiple failed attempts at trying to help her getclean, he walked out and took their son, Colton, with him, who he was now raising with Emmy.

I was a block away from the pharmacy, intent on getting my meds refilled, when I thought back on my reaction to the cops not giving me back what I had left after my arrest. Had I been in pain? Yes. But was it so bad that I needed to ask Nash for some of his pills?

I contemplated that last question for a moment.

Was the pain in my stomach so bad, I couldn’t wait until morning to get my own meds refilled?

No, it wasn’t.

I’d taken pain pills when I was younger, but they only made me sleepy. I didn’t get any kind of high from them then, and I didn’t achieve a high from them now. On top of pain relief, what they had provided me with recently was a blanket of numbness while consequently slightly altering my mood.Ask Will if he thinks your mood was slightly altered.

Simply talking about it with Ria earlier put me on the defensive when all she was trying to do was point out an issue. The pills were already coming between us, and if I didn’t stop now, I’d never get the chance I promised I’d take once my life was spared.

I pulled a U-turn at the light, and headed back toward Ria’s house. I doubted she’d be happy to see me again so soon after our argument, but I didn’t want whatever space had started to form between us to get any bigger.

38

I’d only been asleep for an hour when someone knocked on the front door. I ignored whoever was out there and closed my eyes again, only to be irritated when there was a second knock. Then a third.

Throwing off the covers, I walked out of my bedroom and toward the door, every step I took laden with annoyance.

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