Page 40 of Utah

“Is that right? What kind of meds is he picking up?”

“His grandma’s prescription.”

“I guess that’s okay,” I jested.

She fiddled with the hem of her cream-colored shirt, seemingly contemplating telling me something. I remained quiet as she internally worked out whatever it was she needed.

“He asked me out, but I’m not sure I wanna go.”

“Why?”

I felt her sigh as if I’d released it myself. “After everything that happened with Ted, I don’t think I’m ready to date anyone.”

Evie ended her relationship with her ex eight months ago. They’d been together for two years prior. On the surface, Ted seemed to be the perfect guy for her, always going out of his way to do little things to show how much he loved her. She’d get flowers randomly throughout the month and tickets to her favorite artists’ concerts. He’d taken care of her car whenever there was an issue. He’d even brought her chocolate and donuts the week of her period. He appeared to be in tune with my sister.

We all thought he was the one. Until one night when a girl’s name flashed across the screen of his phone. Upon some light investigation, Evie discovered he’d been cheating on her for almost five months. And it wasn’t just with one person. I told her to get rid of him, but he somehow managed to convince her to take him back, promising he'd never do it again. But after the third time that she’d caught him, she’d had enough. And that time, he knew she was really done. They’d gotten into an argument, and he slapped her before shoving her into the wall, where she hit her head. Ted left quickly afterward, but Knox had stopped over twenty minutes later, and he saw the redness on her cheek. She didn’t lie about what happened, and ourbrother went after Ted, found him at a local bar, and almost put him in the hospital. It was Utah who finally pulled my brother off the guy. Thankfully, there were no charges pressed. I believed Ted feared Knox, as he should have.

Recently, Ted had been texting Evie, but she ignored him. He eventually stopped, but not before stirring up some delicate emotions in my sister. He was her first love, after all.

“Don’t let what happened with that jackass deter you from finding happiness,” I said. “It’s true there are a lot of jerks out there, but there are also some really nice guys.”

“I thought Ted was nice until he wasn’t. What if the next guy fools me too?”

There were warning signs with some guys, but some made it an art form to hide their true intentions, so I understood her reservation.

“You have to trust inyourselfthat if someone dogs you again, you’ll be okay. I know that’s probably not the best answer, but it’s the most honest one I have.”

“It just sucks being so unsure.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t,” she replied, scrunching her face in faux annoyance. “You have a great guy, one who is sticking around for his kid and wants to take care of you, but you keep pushing him away.”

Her accusations stirred up a wave of anger in me because the situation wasn’t that cut-and-dry. Far from it. I angled my body toward her, whatever sympathetic expression I wore melting away.

“First off, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Things between me and Utah are complicated to say the least. He’s hotheaded and stubborn.”

“So are you.”

“We argue a lot.”

“About?”

“About everything.”

“Such as?”

“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?” She smiled as she nodded. “What do we argue about?” I mumbled to myself, trying to think of certain examples.

The main cause of some of our disagreements in the past had been fueled by the stress of keeping our relationship a secret. To be fair, the wordrelationshipdidn’t quite fit. I hadn’t known what we were, other than being horny for each other.

There were times I truly believed he was only looking for a casual fling, and depending on my mood, that singular expectation bothered me. But then there were occasions when I thought perhaps allIwanted was a hook up and nothing more.

His bouts of jealousy would surface sometimes, mostly while he visited me at work. Whenever those occurrences happened, I remembered thinking that a guy who just wanted to have sex occasionally didn’t get that jealous. It was that same jealousy that made me hesitant in starting anything real with him, had the opportunity ever presented itself. Perhaps it could’ve, but I’d been so confused about us most of the time that I didn’t pay enough attention to notice such a possibility.

“I’m waiting.”

“You want specifics?” I asked rhetorically because I knew she did. “Well, we argued about him being closed off. Getting any kind of information about his past was frustrating. I was shocked he actually told me about him being a foster care kid. And at times, it seemed like he didn’t want to know much about me, as if he was only interested in hooking up. Whenever I brought up past relationships, his or mine, he’d get upset and shut down the conversation. I just wanted to know if he’d ever been in love or what his longest relationship was, and he’d skirt around the questions. And don’t get me started on his jealous outbursts. I almost got fired one time because he shoved some guy who got handsy with me.”

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