Page 21 of Utah

“What’s this trip you’re taking? And why didn’t you tell me about it?” I struggled to keep the hurt from my voice. The last thing I wanted to do was come across as needy or untrusting. If the roles were reversed, Utah wouldn’t have asked me as calmly. But he was more of a hothead than me. That wasn’t to say I couldn’t go off about something, because I had done exactly that several times.

When he grabbed my hands and stepped into me, I should’ve pulled away, but I didn’t move.

“I’m going with some of the guys to Mexico in five days.”

“Mexico?” My voice rose with the one-word question. “What’s in Mexico?”

“Club business.” I yanked my arms back and tilted my head as if he’d spoken a different language. “What?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“That’s all you’re gonna say? It’s club business?”

“Yeah.”

“Is my brother going too?” Perhaps I could guilt Knox into giving me more information.

“I don’t know.”

I started to pace. “You don’t know,” I parroted. “Why are they making you go? You almost died. The last thing you should be doing is traveling anywhere.”

“They’re not making me go. I insisted.”

“You insisted.”

“Are you going to repeat everything I say?”

The corner of his mouth rose but fell seconds later, and it had everything to do with the scowl on my face.

“Why would you insist…? Oh my God! Is the cartel in Mexico? Is that why you’re going?” He didn’t need to answer because I’d pieced it together. The cartel killed Crash. Utah saw it happen. It’s the only reason he’d insist on going. He wanted revenge. “Do you have a death wish? How could you be so stupid?” I instinctually placed my hand over my belly.

“Stupid?” Now it was his turn to raise his voice.

“Yeah, stupid. We have a baby on the way, Utah. Or did you forget that? You can’t only think about yourself anymore.”

“I’m not thinking about myself. I’m thinking about that baby,” he shouted, pointing to my stomach. “I’m thinking about you and the club. I’m thinking about Crash. Fuck!” He lowered his voice when he spoke again. “The only person I’mnotthinking about is myself.”

I didn’t know what else to say other than, “Don’t go.”

“I have to.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Ria… yes, I do.”

“If you go….” I didn’t finish my sentence because I didn’t have an ultimatum. I would never keep his child from him. And because we weren’t a couple, I couldn’t threaten to leave him.

“I’ll be fine. We’re just going to talk.”

“Talk,” I repeated sarcastically. “Yeah, that sounds believable.”

I stewed in my anger and frustration for a moment, not quite sure what to say next. I wasn’t going to convince him not to go. When Utah set his mind to something, there was no talking him out of it. He was stubborn, an attribute I shared. But the difference between us was that I wasn’t reckless.

A knock on the door startled me. The handle turned, and Kyla poked her head in, a strand of her brunette hair falling over her eye before she brushed it back. “You guys okay? I thought I heard shouting.”

“Sorry,” I said. “We’re fine. We’re just leaving.”

“Okay,” she responded tentatively, squeezing my hand when I walked by. “Let me know if you wanna talk.”

My only response was a quick nod. I’d hung out with Kyla several times since meeting her. She was down-to-earth, witty, and kind. Hell, she was a damn saint for putting up with my brother, which I knew from experience wasn’t an easy feat.

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