Page 26 of Ryder

“You heard what I said back at your place, didn’t you?” His brown eyes bored into mine, searching for something I was unclear of in that moment. “Before you left me on the couch?”

I wanted him to be truthful with me, so I made sure to return the favor. “Yes.” Short and simple, yet it was anything but. Even though I had an idea he knew what my answer would be, he still looked a little shocked. He quickly regained his composure, wasting no more time before he told me what happened to his mother.

“Richard came into our lives when I was just five. From what I could remember he seemed okay, bringing me a toy whenever he visited, but it wasn’t long after they met that he moved in with us. And that’s when things changed. Most of my memories of him after that point are of him being drunk, and when he’d been drinking, he’d whale on my mother. When I tried to help her, I got it too.”

I reached forward and captured his hands, offering him support while he worked up to the worst part. Even though I was still hurt, and angry with him, I knew I had to put all of my emotions aside and allow Ryder to tell me his story.

Breathless moments passed where the both of us remained silent, him working up the courage to tell me the reason he seemed so closed off and secretive, and me silently contemplating if I had the energy to forge ahead with a relationship with the very intense and complicated man sitting in front of me.

He loosened his hands from mine and pulled back, running them down his thighs in uncertainty. “One night it got really bad. I woke up to her screaming, and when I ran downstairs, I saw her on the ground, bleeding and clutching her stomach. I tried to save her, but I couldn’t. She begged me to go back to my room and I did.” He rose from the chair so fast it skidded behind him. “Fuck!” His fingers gripped his hair and I watched him slowly losing it. “If only I hadn’t gone down there that night, maybe she’d still be alive.”

“What do you mean? You just said he was beating her.”

“He was, but when I tried to help her, he came after me. Came up to my room and tried to—” He suddenly stopped talking, and I knew reliving his past tore him up inside. So I waited, giving him the time he needed before finishing. “Looking back, I think he was gonna rape me, and when my mother saw his pants unzipped, pinning me facedown, she screamed for him to leave me alone. That’s when he wrapped his belt around her neck and strangled her to death.”

A shocked gasp escaped me. I couldn’t stop it. Ryder muttering “I saw him kill my mom” when he was drunk did nothing to prepare me for the full story. I couldn’t even imagine what he went through, watching his mother’s life extinguished right in front of him.

“You were only trying to protect her. It’s not your fault. The only one to blame is him. Only him,” I repeated, hoping my words would break his irrational thought. I stood and tentatively approached him, his back to me as I walked up behind him. Resting my hand on the middle of his back, he flinched but then quickly relaxed.

Turning to face me, he looked emotionally beaten down. I knew it had been difficult, but I was thankful he’d finally told me, even after everything that’d happened between us.

“I wasn’t sure I wanted you in my life,” he announced. “Not permanently. After my mother’s death, I closed myself off from everyone, only giving people the bare minimum. I think that’s why I kept putting off telling you about my daughter.”

His confession hurt, but at least now I understood him a little more. “And now?”

He seized my hands and placed them on his chest. “Now I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t explain the pull you have over me, but I know I don’t want to lose you. Ever.” He circled his arm around my waist and drew me forward. “Please forgive me for not telling you sooner.”

I looked deep into his eyes, drew his undivided attention because I needed him to really hear me. “I need some time to think about . . . us.”

His arm fell to his side and he took a step back, my hand sliding off his chest. Ryder looked distraught, but for as much as I wanted to wipe away his sadness, I needed to make sure forging ahead with him was what I truly wanted.

I completely understood what he meant by the pull that existed between us because I felt it as well. Attraction, chemistry and raw passion certainly weren’t an issue either. But could I trust him? Not only to continue to share himself with me, but with my heart?

I was in love with Ryder, but was it enough?

“Okay. Fair enough.” He strode toward the door, but I didn’t want him to leave just yet. So I decided to change the subject.

“Was there a puppy out there?” My question told him I was open to talking about something other than us, that I wanted to engage him while still taking the time I needed to process everything.

“Yeah,” he answered over his shoulder, his hand gripping the door handle. “Come on, let’s go see him.”

“What are you gonna name him?” I asked, accepting all of the puppy’s kisses and trying not to smother him because he was so damn cute. Ryder told me how he found him, and while my heart broke for the little guy, I wanted to find the asshole who discarded him so carelessly and beat the hell out of him myself.

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I’m not keepin’ him.” I looked at him like he was nuts, to which he said, “Bray, I can’t have a puppy. You know how much work they are?”

“And? What’s your point?” I passed the dog to Ryder, and without an ounce of hesitation, he took him, clutching him close to his chest. “You’ve already formed a bond with him. Don’t give him away.”

He didn’t answer because he knew what I said was true.

“I’ll take him,” Hawke yelled from across the room. “He’s a cute little fucker.” He laughed when Ryder turned around and gave him a threatening glance.

“See. You don’t wanna give him to anyone.”

“No, I just don’t want to give him to that jackass.”

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