Page 31 of Wanted

Confusion had become my go-to emotion as of late. It was betterto hide behind than devastation and raging anger.

Alexa was the only one I’d truly confided in. Matt wouldn’tunderstand. All he would want to do was hunt down Alek and try to teach him alesson, and I didn’t want to put him in any kind of situation where he couldpossibly be harmed. Alek had grown used to Matt’s place in my life. Dare I sayhe even began to like him? I wasn’t sure how he would react if Matt came athim, though, and it was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.

The more days that crept by, the more numb I became. I didn’tknow if it was my survival instincts kicking in, but I feared if somethingdidn’t change soon, I would simply die inside and never feel anything everagain.

No happiness.

No anger.

No sadness.

Nothing.

I smiled politely to those around me and uttered “Fine” when theyasked how I was doing. But I never told the truth. I always lied.

~~~~

“Are we still going out tonight, Sara? Please, tell me you’re notgoing to back out again. You haven’t been out of this house, besides to work,in way too long.” Alexa stood by the couch with her hands on her hips, glaringdown at me. I knew she was upset with me, but I couldn’t find it inside me tocare much.

She was doing her absolute best to help pull me from my darkdepression. Because I was so thankful to have such a wonderful friend in mylife, I decided to stick to our plans for once. I couldn’t imagine having anyfun, but I would fake it like I had been for the past few months.

“Sara? Did you hear me? Are you going to cancel on me again?” Mydear friend was frustrated, and I didn’t blame her.

I tore my eyes away from the mindless TV show and looked up ather. A small, forced smile tipped my lips. “Yes, I’m still going.” She acted asif I’d told her I cured cancer. Her smile was huge, but she quickly regainedher composure.

Sitting down next to me, she placed her hand on my arm. “Don’t bemad, but you need to eat. You’re losing too much weight, and it isn’t healthy.”

Gingerly glancing down at my thinner frame, I half-smiled. I hadlost at least twenty pounds because I didn’t bother to nourish myself. Therewere days when I hardly ate anything at all, waiting until dinnertime to havesomething simple, like a piece of fruit. Both Matt and Alexa took turns tryingto force-feed me, but their efforts were wasted.

“I know, Lex. I promise I’ll eat something before we go.”

“Not a piece of fruit, Sara. I want you to eat something real,something nutritious. You have to stop abusing your body like this or you’llend up really sick.”

She was a thousand percent right and I knew it. I had no energyas it was. My hair and skin looked dull, and there was a constant beat-downlook in my eyes.

“I’ll eat a good meal, I promise.”

She looked skeptical at first, and then a smile encroached on herbeautiful face as she sat there grinning at me.

“I know you will. Because I’m going to make us both something toeat. Plus, if our stomachs are full, we can drink more.” She laughed as shemade her way to the kitchen and started pulling ingredients from therefrigerator.

She ended up making us chicken francese, veggies and a side saladwith all of the fixings. I tried to muster enough of an appetite to eat all ofit, but my stomach had shrunk drastically and I could only manage half.

I sat back after eating and had to admit I felt a little better already.A small surge of energy pumped through me because of the meal she’d forced meto eat.

“Thanks for dinner. I’m going to take a shower now and startgetting ready. You don’t plan on staying out too late, do you?”

“Sara…” she warned. “Don’t worry about how late we’re going tobe. The only thing I want you to focus on is enjoying yourself. For once.”

“Okay, okay. I promise I’ll try and enjoy myself. ‘Fake it tillyou make it’, right? Isn’t that the saying?”

“Yes, it is,” she replied, giving me a hug before she turnedaround to clean up from dinner.

~21~

Sara

We ended up at a smaller, local bar. I told Alexa Iwasn'tready to be around a large group of people. She understood and was grateful I’dventured outside our apartment at all.

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