Page 51 of Shattered

He took a deep breath before speaking.“I’m so sorry you found out like this.Please believe me when I tell you I was going to talk to you about it, but I never found the right time.I was so thrilled you gave me another chance, then things were going so well between us, I didn’t want to ruin it.Plus, it was no big deal.”If he hadn’t been plucking off invisible lint from his sweater, I wouldn’t have even picked up on the fact he was nervous.As well he should be.

“No big deal?” I asked, each word becoming louder than the previous one.

He looked down at his lap for a split-second.“Sorry, that’s not what I meant to say.”Lifting his head, he looked directly into my eyes, trying his best to silently plead with me to…what?Forgive him?Understand?

The silence between us confused me more than when he was doing a shitty job of trying to explain.I heard the second hand on the clock above the couch tick by, taunting me about what my future held.Or didn’t hold.It would all depend on how things went.

“Start from the beginning, Alek.”

“There really isn’t much to tell you.I was with Cora for three years, agreed it was time to take the next step and, well…it’s how we became engaged.”He sensed I was going to interject, so he blurted, “She was the one who asked me, though, not that it makes any difference.The outcome was the same,” he mumbled.

“Don’t do that, Alek.Don’t play this whole thing off as if it’s no big deal, simply breezing over the details.You know you were wrong for not mentioning this to me before now.And the only reason you’re even saying anything now is because Kael blurted it out.”I fidgeted with the hem of my blue dress, doing my best not to let him see me as anything but angry.

“I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry.”He tried to reach for my hand, but I pulled back.If he touched me, I knew I was going to eventually give in, and I had to remain strong.

“Who broke it off?”I held my breath.Please say you broke up with her.

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Does it matter?” he quipped, reining in his quick burst of anger.

“Yes.”I needed to hear him say it.

“Fine.She cheated on me.”Why did I feel he wasn’t telling me the whole story?I didn’t press, however, knowing I could only hear so much about her at one time.

I kept at it with my questions.“How long ago was this?” I did my best to compute a timeframe but really, I had no idea.

“A little over a year ago.” he replied.

My mouth fell open in complete shock, yet again.Even though I had no idea of the timeframe, I’d honestly thought it had been longer.But a year?Did he still have feelings for her?What if she decided she wanted him back?Would he want to be with her, realizing maybe he made a mistake?They were engaged…to be married.How do feelings go away from something so serious in such a short amount of time?

Time escaped quickly and I still hadn’t said anything in response.I didn’t even understand the magnitude of what I was feeling.But I knew I should say something.Anything.“Where is she now?” was the only thing which popped into my head.

But it was fair, seeing as how I wanted to know whether or not I would inadvertently run in to her.

“I’m not quite sure.Last I knew, her firm moved her to Paris to head up the division over there.She’s an interior decorator, if you were wondering.”

I gave him a disgruntled look.“No, I wasn’t wondering.”Yes, I am.

“Sorry.I didn’t know how much you wanted to know about her.”That was fair.

“Alek, be completely truthful with me, because I really need to know.Do you still have feelings for her?I can handle anything if you’re honest with me.”Keeping my eyes lined up with his was hard to do because all I wanted to do was look away.

He reached over and grabbed my hand.I didn’t pull away. “Sara, please believe me when I tell you I don’t have any feelings whatsoever toward her.The moment I found out she was unfaithful, I cut her off, emotionally and physically.To be honest, I don’t even know if I ever truly loved her.I know it was only just over a year ago since it ended, but for me, it really does feel like a lifetime ago.”

There was still something which wasn’t sitting right with me.“In all of my searches on you, nothing ever came back you were engaged.Everything else was out there for me to see but not that.Why?”

“You Googled me?” he asked with a lilt to his tone.My statement amused him.His smile tried to break the tension between us.It worked.A little.

“Yes, I did.I wasn’t about to go into this blind, although, all the good that did me.”

“Please don’t say such things.”He ran his fingers through his already messed-up hair, deciding what to say next which would appease and assure me.

“You couldn’t find anything about the engagement because we never made it public knowledge.I told Cora if I agreed to marry her, then it had to be kept quiet because I didn’t want any more of my private life in the public eye.She agreed.Looking back, it should’ve been a sure sign right there it was a mistake.If I really loved her, I should have wanted to shout it from the rooftops.But I didn’t.”

His statement pleased me, as much as it could have given the circumstances.

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