Page 36 of Shattered

I was shocked she even mentionedhisname, making any reference at all as to what had happened to her all those years before.She didn’t talk about it and I never pushed her, so for her to speak in such a way told me how truly frightened she was.

“Baby, I would never let anyone hurt our child.You have to believe me.”

“You can’t protect them from the evils of the world.”She tried to break free from my embrace but I held firm.“Something terrible will happen, and I would never be able to live through it.I barely lived through what I suffered.It nearly killed my grandmother.No,” she said, shaking her head. “I won’t do it.I can’t.”

Her fears were irrational to me, but they made sense to her.And I understood.For now.

I kissed her again and did my best to calm her down.

It killed me that I couldn’t protect Sara from her fears.I’d vowed so long ago to keep an eye on her and I’d made good on my promise.But being in a relationship with her was even more trying because I couldn’t protect what ran rampant inside her head.

I did my best to quell her delusions, but I knew it wasn’t enough.

Not yet.

~17~

Sara

Two weeks.

It’d been two weeks since the last time we had sex, and didn’t use a condom.Two weeks since my emotional breakdown.

I apologized to Alek several times, and each time he told me to stop being so hard on myself.He understood my outburst, but I knew I’d still hurt him.Offended him, even.

If I were a different woman, I’d jump at the opportunity to have babies with him.But I wasn’t.I was me, and I never planned on bringing life into the world.

Based on last month’s cycle, I should have gotten my period two days ago.But they had never been regular before, so I was doing my best not to freak out.

For as much as I’d wanted to take a test the day after we had sex, I knew I was being irrational.There was no way to tell so early.

So I’d waited.

Fourteen days.

I finally decided to stop by a drug store and pick up a pregnancy test.I chose the one in the purple box.They all looked the same to me, so it didn’t really matter.

Alek had asked if he could be there with me when I found out, good or bad, but I told him I needed to do it alone.If it was bad news, I would need time to process it and if it was good news, I didn’t want to subject him to my giddiness.I’d never imagined he even considered the possibility of having children with me.The thought was so touching yet scared the shit out of me.

Once home, I went straight into the bathroom and opened the box.Reading the instructions did nothing but delay the inevitable.Sitting down on the toilet, I proceeded to pee on the stick, praying the entire time I wasn’t with child.

Five minutes was all the box said it would take to find out.A minus sign was negative and a plus sign was positive.

Come on minus sign.

Ten minutes passed and still I didn’t look.I left the test on the sink counter and headed toward my bedroom, wanting nothing more than to escape the confines of the tiny washroom.

“Sara,” Alexa called out as she entered our apartment.“Are you here?”

Shit!I hadn’t told her anything about what happened.I figured if I didn’t talk about it…it wasn’t real.

I quickly tried to make my way toward the bathroom to hide the evidence, but she beat me to it.She was staring at my future, resting on the lip of the countertop.

Turning her head in my direction, she whispered, “What is that?”She knew damn well what it was, but she wanted me to confirm it.

“It’s a pregnancy test.”

“Are you?”She moved closer and grabbed my hand for support.She had no idea how much I’d needed her small gesture.

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