He looked up at me, cocking his head to the side as all the joy left his features. “No? What do you mean, no?” There was that icy tone of his again. “Are you saying you don’t want to be with me now?”
“That’snotwhat I’m saying,” I replied, placing my hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I want to be with you, more than anything. But this…” I gestured down at the pile of stolen clothing. “You know we can’t live like this forever. Stealing from your pack won’t go unnoticed for long. And we can’t just run away either. Not when everyone is ready to kill each other.” I took a deep breath, surprised by the words I was about to say. “We… We shoulddosomething.”
“Do something?” Loki let out a contemptuous laugh. “Like fucking what? Your father isn’t going to stop being a murderous asshole and Thor is never going to give up the Hati pack to him.”
“I know my father has done some bad things,” I started.
“Bad?BAD?!” He sounded crazed. “You call killing my father and several other wolves in my pack justbad?”
I could feel the fury building in my chest. “People make mistakes–”
The moment the words left my lips, Loki tore himself away from me. He reached up, clawing his fingers through his hair like he was losing his mind.
“Mistakes?!” he shouted. “Fuck you! I lost everything because of that piece of shit! I had to lead a pack before I was ready, figure out how to grieve the only parent I’ve ever known, and somehow manage not to go so fucking crazy that I didn’t kill everyone in the process! Your piece of shit fatherdestroyedmy family and you’re going to stand here and tell me it wasjusta mistake? Go fuck yourself!”
“Loki, I didn’t mean it like that–”
“No of course you didn’t. Cuz you’re too fuckingstupidto know any better!”
He gasped and clamped his mouth shut the moment he said it.
“I… I didn’t mean–”
“No,” I said, holding up a hand to stop him. “You’re right.” I reached down and grabbed the sweatpants and a shirt and began tugging them on. “I was raised by a bunch of werewolves who never even went to school. We have hardly any books, no television, and no phones. So, you’re probably right.” I pulled the shirt over my head. “I’m gonna head home.”
“Heimdall…” Loki said, reaching out a hand, a sad look in his eyes.
But I didn’t reply. My chest was too tight and my stomach was twisted into a knot making it almost impossible to breathe. I turned away from him and headed for the ledge. I’d been kidding myself that there was a place in this world for me, one where I could be at Loki’s sideandstill keep my life. But there was something else bothering me too, a familiar look in Loki’s eyes that reminded me far too much of home.
“Heimdall, stop,” he said, a hand coming to rest on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I… I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t leave.”
“I can’t do this, Loki.”
He flinched. “Can’t do what?”
“Whatever…” I gestured to the pair of us. “Thisis. I can’t do it.”
He looked taken aback. “But… you’re my mate.”
“Am I?” I shot back. “Or is this just convenient for you?”
“Convenient?” he scoffed. “How the hell would this be convenient?”
“Oh, so you shacking up with the next in line of the Skoll pack doesn’t play into your plans to bring both of them under your control?” The words were flying out of my mouth, all my deepest fears bubbling to the surface in an instant. “Once you kill Tyr and you’ve got me in your bed, then you’d have control over it all. The leader of the Fenris pack.”
“I don’t want to leadanyone,” Loki shot back.
“Then why are you here? With me? You already said I’m too stupid for you–”
“I didnotsay that! I just can’t believe you’d stand up for your father after everything he’s done!”
“WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!”
My shout echoed down the mountain, reverberating off the rocks and trees and carrying all the way down to the valley. I stood there for a long moment, heat rising from my collar as I tried to get my breathing under control. But the panting didn’t stop and eventually turned to a sob. Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at Loki. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I was so emotional, but I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“What would you have me do, Loki?” I croaked, barely able to speak. “You have a family at home, wealth, and a pack that cares for you even during your darkest hour. Do you know what I have back home?”
Loki just stared, unmoving.