Page 96 of In Love with the Devil

The next Monday I discover he's gone. This time he didn't bother telling me and he doesn't call me. Good. Within two weeks, I'm back to my routine. No more games. I get used to being lonely again, not feeling anything. There's nothing worrying me, nothing to distract me from my thoughts and feelings for Julian anymore. My nights belong to him again.Ibelong to him. There is no threat to worry about. This means I fall off the wagon again, touching and hurting myself while crying and screaming his name, eventually reverting back to hating myself for wanting Julian.

On a Friday morning, I find white roses on my desk. The glee pours out of me. I open the card with a wide smile on my face.Looks like I’m destined to apologize to you with white roses. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to let you know I would be away. I missed you. Come stay at my place tonight, have dinner with my family again.

"Hola, Mami." When I turn around I find Sebastian leaning against the opened office door. I try to act nonchalant but it's too late. He saw me smiling over the note and flowers. Instead of running to hug him, I step back.

Every Friday after, we spend it with his parents, watching novelas, playing cards and board games, and always sleeping in neighboring bedrooms. It doesn't take long for his family, house, and him to feel like the home I always dreamed of. His family is so loving to me. It’s like I’m drowning in a pool of safe love. There are no eggshells for me to walk on and I don’t have to pay their bills to get a decent conversation out of them. Cristian takes in my cats anytime I’m not home.

On the fourth Friday, we arrive at his parents later than usual after eating out. I shower, put on a satin nightgown, the kind that Julian would like but red, not white. There’s a presence in the room when I’m about to climb into bed.

"W-what are you doing here?" I ask and turn to him.

"Come with me?"

"What? Where?"

"In a few weeks I have to go to Thailand, Astoria, and I can't stand the idea of being so far away from you. Come with me."

"I can't. It's not safe." He says the last three words at the same time as me while nodding.

"Tell me why. Who's got you like this, shaking, and terrified?" He takes a step toward me and lowers his face to my level. I can feel his breath on my lips. "I'm going to kiss you now. Okay?" He waits for me to meet his gaze and then his lips consume mine in a passionate kiss that sends an electricity through all of my body down to my clit. I moan. His arms wrap around me, caressing my back while I shake like a leaf in a hurricane. His lips kiss my neck then return to my mouth again.

Only Asher ever kissed me like this. The thought wakes me. I break the kiss and gasp.

“It’s okay." His palm cups my cheek. "I'm not going to hurt you. Don't you want me?"

I’m dizzy and wanting, no, needing a dick inside me. But I can’t. Julian will kill us. I can’t do that to Sebastian, to his family. I step away. Sebastian looks like he's in pain. "I can't do this anymore. I need you to trust me and give me something-"

"Something?" I ask.

"Yeah. Something that will tell me that you feel the same for me as I do for you."

"I don't," I lie and turn away, unable to take the pain in his eyes. “Please go back to your room, Sebastian.”

He moves my wet hair to the side and exclaims, “Jesus! Who did this to you?"

Quickly, I turn around to hide the scars on my back from him. I know how horrible they look. I can’t meet his eyes, so he takes my chin between his fingers. “Who the fuck did that to you? Is it the same asshole who gave you those scars on your hands? That scar on your leg? Who!" he screams the last word. "He can’t get to you anymore. Not when you’re with me.” It’s a promise of safety I’ve been needing for four years.

I allow the illusion of it to sink into my mind. I’m safe. He can’t get to me. Sebastian kisses me again and this time, I don't stop him. Sebastian makes love to me but Asher is on my mind the entire time, making sure that nothing arouses me as much as he did. Afterwards, I cry inconsolably in his arms, knowing I can't run away from the truth anymore. Sebastian may think he can protect me from Julian but he can’t keep him out of my mind, and he can't stop my insatiable craving for him.

I am his. My mind is his. I’m in love with Asher.

Chapter forty-two

Waiting

Julian

Two months ago

Everything was fine until the night I found her bed empty. Her cats were nowhere to be found. I was so ready to try, ready to be what she’d always wanted, her hero.

I’d been doing everything possible to make her return to me and be happywith me.

I put her first and this is what she didto me.

I waited and waited and waited until the sun rose.

Chapter forty-three

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