Page 79 of In Love with the Devil

“Whatdidyou see in me that made you…”

“You’re beautiful but humble. You’re smart butweretoo quick to trust. That’s no longer there.” He pauses. “And that’s a good thing. You’re strong, but you forgive too easily. It’s like you only want to see the good in people and forget the bad.”

I take another gulp. “Who hurt you, Asher?”

“That’s a long, old story. And no one hurts me because I don’t let anyone in.”

“Some would say that’s not living.”

“I say people are not worth it.”

“Ooh, so dark and brooding.” I tease. “Tell me.” My tone is too demanding so I soften it to say, “I have a martini and a half’s worth of time.” I shrug my shoulders.

“My mother was very harsh with me and I was too sensitive, so one day I made the mistake of asking her why and she told me. She never wanted to have me. She was raped and lived in a part of the country that didn’t have abortion clinics.” He shrugs and takes a sip of his drink, setting the glass down and staring at the brown liquid. “Her family didn’t believe her. They disowned her and threw her out. We ended up poor because of me."

A son born from rape. With the gulp I take, I finish the first drink. As I turn the goblet in circles, holding it by the stem, I correct him. “No. You ended up poor, and alone because she was raped. And her family can go fuck themselves.”

He laughs. “I like this side of you, Astoria.” I'm relieved when the twinkle returns to his face. He doesn’t smile enough but when he does, it changes all of his face. He looks spectacular.

“I’ve learned many things in the last two years.”

He nods.

“Why did you become a doctor? Was your mother’s rapist a doctor?”

“She always said I was the source of all her misery. It didn't matter if I was good or bad, she'd always find a reason to beat me and throw me in the basement with the rats and roaches. It taught me not to care what people think and not to search for love in anyone. I thought it was in my nature to be evil because of my father. I became interested in science because I wanted to know if I could take out the gene that made me the bad guy, but of course, as I grew up… the interest evolved.

“Why do you think men love raping women, Asher?”

“It’s a sickness that society propels, encourages even. It’s so tangled in the fabric of our nation that eighty percent of the time, women don’t even know what’s happened.”

“Good answer.” I suck on the curly apple skin while staring at him. My gaze drops to the table while my right hand swirls the second drink.I get lost in a trance. I like those because I'm neither here nor there. Looking back now, I know why he said the things he said to me when we kissed in his car, why he beat that guy up for me.

His right hand covers my left. “Are you okay? We–”

“I’m fine.” I pull my hand away too abruptly. “As fine as I can be. Did you ever find out who your father was?”

He shakes his head. “No. It was a case of the wrong place, wrong time for her, then I was born.”

Our gazes meet. “Asher?”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad you were born. Has anyone ever said that to you?”

He looks to the side, drinks, and shakes his head.

“You’re a beautiful-looking gentleman. And you help people.”

“Help people? I think you’re confusing me with someone else, Astoria.”

“You helped me.” I shrug.

“I did?”

“I… thought of you a lot when he had me locked up in the dark.” A chuckle escapes me. “I even had a dream that you came to rescue me, but… then I woke up. Turned out I was just bleeding to death.” Another chuckle erupts from me. “I’m sorry. It’s been a year and I guess…”

Time passes, and I'm relieved that it’s not awkward to sit in silence with him. He waits for me to think, to finish my thoughts.

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