Page 52 of In Love with the Devil

"I'm not going to hurt you.”

How can I possibly believe him? I'm cowering away. He grabs my arm and pins it down. “No! Please, Julian. Ah––h! Julian!" Idon’t know where the energy comes from, but I fight him while screaming, “No, please don't rape me. Not like this.” He cleans the fold of my elbow with alcohol and injects the liquid into me.

“Julian,” I whisper as my eyes shed tears of pain and terror. His face is expressionless, which scares me even more. Immediately after he injects me with it, the liquid burns everywhere it courses, but it also erases all the pain and seconds later everything is gone.

A bright light from the hall leaks into my cell. My arm is connected to an IV. The bed sheets he’d wrapped me in are gone, and now he’s unfolding a new, clean set to cover me.I'm wearing panties with a thick long pad.

“I brought you a gift.”

The fear widens my eyes. All his gifts have been toys for him to use on me.

“It’s nothing to do with that, Astoria.” He sits next to me. “I didn't realize how cold it can get down here. I remember you always covered yourself with a heavy blanket when–at your place.”He takes out a comforter from the bag next to the bed, then covers me with it. It feels like heaven.

It’s the first time I experience any gentleness from him, and it nearly breaks my heart. “Julian–” I study his eyes, not understanding what’s happening with him. Is this another trick to fool me into thinking he'll be nice to me.

“Now. You need to rest. Be a good girl and go to sleep.”There are so many things I want to say and ask him, like why can’t I feel anything from the waist down? But I know him. Once Julian tells me to go to sleep, that’s the only thing I should do.

Chapter twenty-three

A Different Setting

Julian

I should've gotten a chair to sit on hours ago, but I don’t want to leave her alone until she opens her eyes. Besides, I'm too exhausted. It took me five hours to remove all the tissue.So here I am, sitting on the floor, waiting.

My poor, little, pretty bird. It’s the first time she’s made me think things over.I’ve been so happy the last few months, but what will I do if I lose her? I can’t have what happened with Molly again. And I said this when Molly left this Earth but with Astoria… it's even more true. I just can’t fathom finding someone like her or better. That’s just… impossible. I need her.

Astoria is so drugged up she won’t realize for a while I’ve removed the extra tissue that lined the exterior of her uterus. She had a severe case of endometriosis. The ultrasound would've shown nothing. I should’ve known better. Between the lack of exercise, the dehydration, and stress… she also skipped a fewmonths of menses and almost hemorrhaged last night. If she hadn’t been with me, she would’ve bled out. It must have been yet another reason she reacted the way she did. Endometriosis is recognized as one of the most painful conditions. I wonder how much pain she withstood yesterday, how much of it she’s used to. Did I pick a tough cookie without realizing?

Looking at her big, round eyes when she finally opens them, something happens to me. For the first time in my life, I have the urge to give someone the world. It’s a new sensation. I've only ever wanted to possess and control women then make them suffer for me, I've never wanted to give them anything.

I cover her with a comforter so she can be warm. As she dozes off, I consider taking her up to my bed but then decide against it because maybe it’s my exhaustion.

Her protests wake me from my slumber on the floor. It's expected she'll be in pain since I cut off the narcotic meds three hours ago. “Julian? W-what happened? Everything–hurts…” She tries to get up and I rush to her.

“Don’t get up.”

“I need to pee. Ow!” she protests as soon as she bends her belly.

“No. Don’t. You’ll open the incisions.”

“Incisions? What did you do to me?” The question is full of panic.

“Nothing, baby, you um–I had to help you out. You got a little sick.”

“You cut me?” she yells after finding the bandages on her belly. "What did you do to me?" Now she's hysterical. "You said you wouldn't hurt me."

“I didn't, Astoria. Please calm down." The tone of my voice silences her but I see the fear in her eyes. "Come. I’ll help you.” I wrap my arm under hers, carry her to the toilet, and turn away. There’s not much I’ve given her before, but I’ll give her this. From behind me, I hear her panting and sobbing.

“What did you do?” she whispers.

I sigh, not wanting to tell her that it’s safe, that I’m her doctor who has done this procedure a billion times and can obviously do it with my eyes closed. If I tell her I'm a doctor, how likely is she to put all the pieces together? I'll have to tell her something. For now, she'll have to believe I’m into mutilation. I can’t figure out why this bothers me. I could do much worse things to her.

“Do you need help standing?” I’m still not facing her.

“No.”

The water from the faucet runs and she brushes her teeth, but I don’t turn around, not even when she shuts it off.

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