Page 45 of In Love with the Devil

Stop Lying to Me

Astoria

Waves of excruciating pain roll down my arm leaving my throbbing palms numb. It wakes me but i don't want to open my eyes. I wish he would've killed me. There's a burning pain in my ass, cuts everywhere but it's worse, something is off kilter, some muscle or bone is broken. A cramping in my belly takes my breath away. Why didn't he kill me?

When I move, I realize I’m hanging by my wrists. This is why my hands are numbed yet throbbing, why there's a trail of blood trailing down my arms from my palms. Where am I? My eyes open in a flash. The light is so dim that it’s hard to see anything but as my sight adjusts, I realize I’m in the middle of a round room. I have to stand on my toes like a ballerina, to touch the dirt ground and relieve the tearing of my arms, but I can’t hold it for long. The air is cold and wet. Around me are cells.

It all throws me into a panic. I heave and whimper. There’s no one here. Every heavy breath intensifies the pain even more. I try to gain hold of the rope but I can’t. There’s always a way out, right? I stand on my toes for as long as possible then falter, and all my weight transfers to my wrist. The electric current of pain that radiates down from my wrists to my shoulder sockets pulls a cry out of me. I don’t want him to come but how else can I get down from here?

“Julian,” I call. There’s a lack of echo. No other sound other than my breathing and my voice.I can hear my own heart running at a million miles per hour.

Metal clanks behind me but I can’t turn enough to see what’s happening. “Julian. What have you done? What is this place?” No one can deny the panic in my voice.

He walks around so our gazes meet and a smile spreads on his black painted face. “Welcome home, little bird.”

“Julian, there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?”

“Yes. Yes. I didn’t know. I didn’t know you still wanted me. You were gone for months. I thought something happened to you.”

He laughs and all my hope of fooling him evaporates.“You think I don’t know what you did, Astoria? Hmm?” he asks as he strolls around me. “You tried to disconnect, to run from me.”

“No. Julian, please get me down from here, please. Please, understand. You hurt me. You lied to me. You told me you wouldn’t touch me yet you raped me many times. I needed to move from that place. I couldn’t–” I go silent after I turn my neck and see him rush toward me then his arm lifts. What’s he holding?

A whoosh-ing sound cuts through the air behind me and an unimaginable sting hits my back. The burning sensation is palpable, as if he's cut my skin all the way to my bones. It steals my voice, my breath. Bright stars fill my shut eyes.

“Stop,” he yells.

Whoosh.

“Ah––––––––––––––h!”

“Lying,” he yells again.

Whip. As my body arches, attempting to escape the pain, I bite my bottom lip too hard while wincing. The blood trickles down my chin quickly. Any movement breaks more of my arm muscles and stretches the cut from the whip. I’m bleeding, from my lip, the three slashes on my back, my hands, and my ass. The rope turns and I look down to see droplets of my blood on the ground, they’re trailing from my ass. There’s no escape from this hell. I want to die. I’ll do anything, anything to not be here.

Whoosh.

“To me,” he yells again. What he is saying doesn’t register at all until he repeats it with three faster whips. “Stop lying to me.”

Everything that is me trembles. I’m unable to control my body; thoughts come but shatter before they solidify. Six. It only takes six lashes before I piss myself. Lines of pain burn and itch on my back. It feels as if he's opened my skin and my nerves are exposed, raw. It's too much agony. I don’t even try to speak when I hear his steps coming closer. He turns me around and stares at my face, but I scarcely see him through all the tears. I’m shaking so violently but I can’t breathe, not with this much pain. His eyes caress the view of me, promising admiration, love. They are the most deceitful eyes I’ve ever known. I try to form words, something to calm whatever demon possesses his body, but nothing comes to my mind. I just hang there staring back at him, with my teeth chattering.

He unties my wrists and I fall straight to the dirt, unable to stop shaking even though every movement sends excruciating pain from so many parts of my body. When his hands reach for me, I wince. It’s clear that he caught my reaction. He dares me with his scowl to reject him again. I can’t help but whimper when he touches me. He’ll never understand how much pain his touch has caused me. As soon as I take a step, a gut wrenching anguish courses from my butt, followed by a scream. I fall but he doesn’t allow me to hit the ground again. His arms carry me and when I see I’m being carried to one of the cells, I grab on to him, wailing, but I don’t dare speak the word,No,because again, I know I can’t deny him anything. It’s a word he doesn’t know the definition of.

It’s ironic, but I’m hanging onto him as if the room is going to swallow and digest me, while moaning with every breath. Thedarkness engulfs us. Does he know what Mom used to do to me? Lock me in the bathroom with no light so she could go party? Why can’t I remember if I wrote that in my journal?

I want to apologize because I’m sorry. I’ve never been this sorry about anything in my life, but he doesn’t believe those words when they come out of me.

I’m surprised when he walks into a dimly-lit tiny bathroom. It has a sink, a toilet, and a shower. He turns on the shower and I hold on to him with all my strength not wanting to feel the water. The droplets beat my opened skin, stinging me, making me gasp then wail. My heart is about to run out of my body and I can’t wait for that to happen. Somehow, I’m not there but when I return I’m wailing on his shoulder, hysterical. Part of me thinks I need to calm down but the rest of me doesn’t have any sanity to grapple onto. I feel his arm grab something behind me then the acid from the soap cooks my cuts. Another scream rolls out of me and I lose every particle of strength in my body.

The darkness takes over, fast, thank God.

Chapter eighteen

Pi

Astoria

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