Page 110 of In Love with the Devil

Chapter fifty-three

Home

Astoria

“I want to go home now.” The words slip out of my mouth while he’s showering me with a loofa sponge, washing the blood from my body, but I’m not entirely here. I’m seconds away from a panic attack.

I just saw my father for the first time in over twenty years and murdered him. That can’t be okay, right? I don't know anything right now. I’m numb and confused. Too much has happened in–I don’t even know how many days. I look up into his eyes, waiting for him to answer.

“Try to relax, Astoria. I don't want you going into shock. There’s a lot to discuss.”

“Am I free?”

He stops rubbing soap on me and his ice-blue eyes dig into mine. “If what you wanted was freedom then you should have killed me. I explained that to you. As long as I'm alive, there is no you without me."

“I don't understand. How many days did you have me down there? Are you going to do it again? Why don’t you just kill me and put me out of my misery if that's the case? Did my father listen to me screaming while you raped me? Did-did he hear me calling you daddy?”

He sighs, rolls his eyes and goes back to rinsing me.“Yes, he did, and now he's dead, like everyone else who has ever hurt you. Did you notice he never asked you if you were okay? All he cared about was trying to find a way to escape. He wanted to use you against me!"

I shake my head. "That's disgusting. That's–Why the fuck would you do that!" I slap his face but it doesn't turn. Julian takes one step away from me as if he's resisting killing me, staring at me in complete silence with the most intense glare. "You were there for a week and then slept on and off for three days. From here on, I am your home. You made your choice, little bird.

"You fucked me knowing my father could hear me screaming…" My whisper carries so much anger.

"And you enjoyed every minute of it." He holds a grin. I slap him as hard as I can. This time, his head does turn. Slowly he recovers, his glare telling me I'm on thin ice but I don't care.

"You sick mother fucker!" I screech and scratch at his face, trying to yank his eyeballs out.

He drops everything and steps into the shower to restrain me. My back is against the cold tile when his hands trap me. His beautiful eyes dig into mine and something stirs in my heart that renders me helpless against the love I feel for him. I want to cry but I resist.

"You dare to waste time being ashamed about what that sick fuck heard? Huh? Every time I remembered he was there, I fucked you harder. Do you know why?" he asks through his teeth. "I wanted him to hear his daughter getting fucked by the onlydaddythat ever really mattered in her life. I wanted him to know you were mine. Think of it as my request for your hand in marriage."

I try to yank my wrists out of his hold but he kisses me until every cell in my body is screaming for him to fuck my every hole. A whimper escapes me. Slowly, he pulls his lips away. My gaze drops to them, needing them to kiss and suck every curve of my body. I'm panting, so fucking desperate, my pussy and asshole throbbing for him.

"You can't go back to your little house, pretty bird."

“Why?”

“Astoria." He pauses. "I killed a member of the Cartel to save you.”

“What? Cartel? That’s not true. You’re lying. You’re fucking with my mind again,” I yell but deep inside I know he's not.

“No, I’m not. Sebastian was part of the Cartel and his specialty was human trafficking.”

I shake my head as my memories of Sebastian melt. They were all fake–the smiles, the nice dinners, the compliments, the passionate love-making, the promises of safety. They were all lies. The betrayal and his horrific intentions quake my brow with pain.No one has ever really loved me.My breath hitches and I cover my mouth keeping the agony inside while it gets trapped in my chest. I say nothing else as Julian dries me, then leads me out of the bathroom toward the bed.

“Bend over the bed so that I can help you with the branding.”

I stare at him for too long, trying not to break down. I mean, how much more can I take? I just murdered my father, have been raped and branded, and now I’m told my husband was in the Cartel and wanted to traffic me?There were signs. God dammit, there were signs, and I ignored all of them.

“Astoria…” His palm cups my left cheek.

It feels good, but foreign between us, so I pull away and do as he originally demanded.He takes the bandage off my thigh, rubs some ointment, and covers the burn again. I hiss a few times, but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.

“You need to rest.”

I blindly obey him. It's when I realize it’s still there, my instinct to always do as he says, like some goddamn chihuahua. There’s no part of me I hate and find more repulsive than that. Inside, I grieve for the whole person I used to be and ask myself again and again,why the hell didn’t I kill him? Why?But I don’t like the answer to that question. I didn’t kill him because I’m in love with Asher and addicted to Julian. I'm not really alive in his absence.

He covers me with the blanket, making me feel as if I were his little girl. I watch him dry his gorgeous body. He grabs his cell phone from the desk a few feet away and passes it to me then climbs up in the bed next to me. I read through the messages Sebastian and Julian have been exchanging for almost all three months we knew each other. “This can’t be. His family–”

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