Page 72 of Bratva King's Secret Twins

I inhale deeply, blinking rapidly to push the tears back. I have to keep it together. I focus on the empty corner of the garden, because if this was a memorial for bodies Nik and I would never see again, then it’s only right for Nana to be here.

All I have are fucking tulips, but Nana’s favorite was her yellow Roses that her father planted in their garden as she grew up. She used to say yellow roses bring hope for tomorrow. It’s the least I can do for her. I press the dirt, carving out an even square out for her, letting the repetitive motions of planting calm me, even though my hands are trembling.

When the soil looks ready, I brush the dirt off my jeans before standing up. My heart feels heavy, but I force myself to square my shoulders.

I need to find Mary and tell her to buy me yellow roses. I need to call Kelsey and ask if she can leave the kids at Tay’s and identify Nana’s body with me, but worst of all I need to look Nik in the eye and tell him I am the reason my nana is dead.

I walk inside of the study, about to make my way towards the kitchen when I hear voices—Nik’s, along with two others that I don’t recognize.

I quickly wipe my eyes and take a deep breath, schooling my features into something that looks cheerful enough. I can’t let him see that I’ve been crying. Not now. I follow the voices down the hallway, the sound growing clearer as I approach his living room. When I round the corner, I plaster on a bright smile. “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

Nik’s gaze snaps to me instantly, his eyes narrowing as they take in my appearance. I can see the suspicion flicker behind those steely blue eyes. “Why do you look like you’ve been crying?”

“Jesus, Nik, can you say hi first.” A woman with butt-length honey blonde hair and eyes that sparkle darker than Nik’s smacks him in the chest as she looks me over.

I shake my head quickly. “It’s nothing. Just got a bit emotional over the surprise I have for you, actually.” I hope the distraction works.

He studies me, not fully convinced, but lets it slide for now. “We’ll talk about that later,” he says, still watching me intently. Then he gestures to the two people standing beside him. “Gwen, this is Nadia, my sister and second-in-command, and Aleksandr, our fixer.”

Nadia is tall and sharp-eyed, with a cold elegance that makes it clear she doesn’t take any nonsense from anyone.Her princess-like features contrast against her black leather knee-high boots, ripped black skinny jeans and a lace black top under her kiss-ass leather jacket. She offers her hand and a deadly sweet smile. “You’re a gorgeous girl, no wonder Nik’s been blue balled since the last time he saw you.”

“Oh.” I shake her hand, looking over at Nik from the corner of my eye. “I thought he was lying about the five year dry spell.”

“Trust me, we wish he was. He’s a dick when he hasn’t fucked.” She rolls her eyes.

“Oh yeah? So what’s your excuse, Nadia?” Nik taunts and she flips him off.

Aleksandr studies me from a distance, his sharp chocolate brown eyes dart over my frame and when he has gotten his fill of me, he nods once in acknowledgement, and I nod back, wary.

“Nadia and Aleksandr will be moving in,” Nik says, looking around the room.

“Welcome to Nik’s penthouse,” I say with as much warmth as I can muster, trying to ignore the shattering of my heart.

“Our penthouse, Kotik,” he corrects, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and kissing my temple.

Nik has beenin meetings since eight tonight, and because he’s home, Roshin is nowhere in sight, neither is Nadia or Aleksandr. I am alone for the first time in forever, in Nik’s black cashmere hoodie that smells like cedar, smoke andhome, in the middle of the living room reading the same two lines of a Virgina Woolf book.

“One cannot bring children into a world like this. One cannot perpetuate suffering, or increase the breed of these lustful animals, who have no lasting emotions, but only whims and vanities, eddying them now this way, now that.”

It’s as if Woolf can see me. My children are probably in a taxi to the airport, on their way to a doom of my own creation. In less than 24 hours, I’m about to introduce them to a father who’ll love them but might never forgive me for hiding them from him. A man who might resent me. I keep imagining the way Nik’s going to look at me after he finds out.

His eyes will flash that dark blue; confusion, hurt and resentment will burn until any love he has for me burns out in his pupils. He will never forgive me for my crimes, and even now, I want to keep them hidden.

I can’t shake this feeling that I am dragging them into a world that they should never be part of. Nik’s world is filled with violence, people are treated like pawns, and everyone is selfish. The animals that stalk these shadows are men who are ruled by greed and primal instincts, who would destroy everything in their path for a fleeting sense of control.

I want to protect them from this, to give them peace, love, and a childhood I never seemed to have, but regardless of want, I am pulling them into the darkness because Nik has already consumed me in him. I am selfish for this, for loving a man so dangerous again. I should have learned from my high school sweetheart, Mason. Instead, I upgraded from hometown gang leader to Mafia Boss.

A scoff leaves my lips and I close the book, not wanting another one of Woolf’s haunting lines to see through meagain, not tonight. I am not even a fan of her work. Nana was. Nana loved Virgina Woolf, thought they were cut from the same cloth. A woman tired of a man’s world breaking free of it. I am not that, not anymore.

My throat tightens, and my eyes begin to water. Fuck, here it goes again, my grief hitting me in the chest -- taking what little bit of strength I have left within me. Leaving me a shell of myself.

I performed during dinner under Nik’s squinting gaze. I performed on this couch reading, knowing he would peek down from the meeting room upstairs every ten minutes or so. I perform now, pulling his sweater around me tighter, believing that his scent will run the demon away, but this time they don’t run far enough.

“Gwen,” Nik’s gruff voice snaps me out of my trance, and I look up at him with an easygoing smile.

“Yes?”

He pauses, staring at me from above, and again he asks the question I keep internally begging he stops. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

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